Sunday, October 4, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Happ Gets Gullivered! Lilliputian Rays Pull Out Win. METS LOSE!

 From HoraceClarke66

In light of recent events, your faithful reporter from an alternate universe has decided to convey news only of baseball, as the occurrences in this bizarre world may well prove too terrifying for many of our readers to truly comprehend without going stark, raving mad.

 

A swarm of Tampa Bay midges, veritable lilliputian Rays, pulled down the Yankee Gulliver today in the virtual AL playoffs. 

 

Happ was able to handle the really big boppers on the Rays, tigers such as Ji-Man Choi and Mike Brosseau. But a string of hits by Kevin Kiermaier, Hunter “Mel” Renfroe, Yoshi Tsutsugoagogo, and Michael Perez netted two earned runs, a third on a passed ball by Gary Sanchez, and a fourth on a sacrifice fly.

 

That was all Tampa Bay needed, as the Rays’ “opener” system did its usual, buzzsaw job on Yankee bats. Opener John Curtiss went two whole innings, and was followed by a cast of thousands, including volunteers from the stands, the winner of the Punt, Pass, and Kick contest; and several contestants from The Secret Singer.

 

A run-scoring single by Aaron Judge, and a double by Miguel Andujar got the Yanks revving in the eight, even cutting the score to 4-3.  But that was as far as they got, with actual Tampa closer Nick Anderson, Man of Danger, wriggling out of a jam in the ninth when Gardy and Sanchez dared to take called third strikes.

 

“The series is ours!” exclaimed Brouseau, who also dropped trou in front of the Yankees’ dugout and farted in their general direction. 

 

“Well, that certainly was on the rude side,” Yankees manager Ma Boone responded. “We are highly perturbed.”    

 

2 comments:

  1. Strong reaction from Boone there. Perturbed is one step away from disturbed and just a stone's throw from annoyed. Tampa better watch out.

    On another note, who are these guys wearing Football Giants uniforms? They're looking pretty good. Can't be the usual players. Crazy.

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