Whatever happens, we should expect a brand new product:
1. Patches, I'm dependin' on ya son...
At long last, our prayers will be answered. Teams will be allowed to put ads on jerseys.
Why has it taken so long for baseball to become Nascar? I personally hope Viagra buys a few jerseys. Wal-Mart? Oxycontin? CBD oil? Draft Kings? Hooters? My Pillow? The latest Batman movie? (Remember, it was when Bud Selig wanted to put Spider-Man 2 on the bases that old George Steinbrenner blew a gasket. I wonder if Prince Hal would even bat an eye.)
Hey, maybe Trump will stick the MAGA logo onto some red state caps - you know, polarize every team and every game. Fox News? OAN? Joe Rogan? Hey, it's just money, right? And there are plenty of billionaires who might get a kick out extra exposure. If Vladimir Putin wants to put his smiling face on Aaron Judge's butt, and the price is right, who are we to say no? New funding sources help the sport grow! Hey, how about the "All For A dollar Store!"
2. You get a car, and you get a car, and YOU get a car...
The playoffs will be expanded. The only question is by how much.
If the owners get their way, the October playoffs will include 14 teams - nearly half the entirety of baseball. Surely, that will mean sub .500 teams playing in October - the new Cinderella teams! And it will beget a new strategy for winning - flounder for half the season and then sprint at the end.
The playoffs will last well into November - the world series on Thanksgiving Day? can we dream of it? That could mean the final games need to be played in southern cities - like the Super Bowl. Is there a way to have Pepsi sponsor the Seventh Inning Stretch? It can be the new half-time show.
But one or two games should still be played in northern cities. At night, of course, for the ratings. And if temperatures drop into the 20s, well, the relievers can warm up inside. Snow games are always the most fun, right?
Folks, every way you look at this, we are screwed. I'm starting to think the whole shebang should be torn down - just drop the 2022 season, disband the leagues, and start over with a structure of new owners and players. Could we simply latch onto a new team, pretend they're the Yankees, and start all over?
Games on Thanksgiving? Bowie Kuhn always said "In the best interests of Baseball..."
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's time we combined the biathalon with baseball and aim at the owners.
ReplyDeleteJust thinking out loud.
It does seem like a bad dream, doesn’t it…a diamond dystopia where our worst fears are realized.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I been sayin', Duque!!! (Does Lou Costello-like grabbing of hair, stomping at ground.)
ReplyDeleteKill the squid! Free us all!
Hey, we all love the Yankees, right? Well, if MLB dissolves, then the Yankees win. PERMANENTLY. Competition over, we finish with the most pennants and most World Series victories. End of game, time to start over.
It couldn't be worse than what's coming if they all sing Kumbaya.
Fuck it, I’m starting a new MLB team when they tear this shit down. I have the money. I introduce to you all:
ReplyDeleteThe New Jersey Gabbagool’s
We will play in a burnt out city block of Trenton that I will re-develop into a ghastly version of Camden Yards in Inner Harbor.
The logo will be a silhouette of James Gandolfini. The uniforms will be classic 1999 north Jersey Addidas track suits. Every player MUST wear Drakkar and maintain a early 2000’s Ivy League hair cut (think Jackie Jr. in ‘The Sopranos’).
The team will travel to away games in a convoy of 2005 white Cadillac Escalades.
Every players walk up song will be The Sopranos theme. Every player that hits more than 30 HR a season wins a lifetime supply of capicola.
Well done, right??
I dunno, maybe it’s medium rare…
ReplyDelete"Chico's Bail Bonds"
Now we're talkin'.
ReplyDelete