Spring training stories we should be reading now

For the first time ever, right fielder Melky Mooney had his teeth cleaned professionally this weekend. “When you run your tongue over the molars, you can really feel the difference,” Mooney says. “It’s intense.”

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Catcher Manny Estrada says he won’t make his customary Sign of the Cross before each at-bat during next week’s exhibition games. “It’s just spring,” the former Brewer notes. “If this were the regular season, I’d be praying hard.”

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Bobby Rome - now in Day Three of his self-imposed media silence - missed the team bus and had to hitchhike to the training facility. Reporters say they would have given Bobby a ride... if he’d been willing to ask.

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 Left fielder Bob Terwilliger lost his knee brace after a brief towel-snapping fracas in the shower, according to a team spokesman. Nobody was hurt, and manager Fran Dellovan says the device will probably "turn up somewhere.” In the meantime, Dellovan wants to crack down on tomfoolery. "Someone could lose an eye," he warned.

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 Third baseman Robbie Glint recently rented the movie Power of the Dog and was impressed with the set design and "non-judgmental use of thematic symbols." Teammates are calling him "Tarantino."

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 Zeke Paltrow left the clubhouse with a hangnail on his left index finger. Another strained cuticle would be a huge setback for Paltrow, who missed most of last season with a canker sore.  An MRI is scheduled.

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Out with a bad knee, first baseman Corky Maldonado says he’s not worried about making it back until after the All-Star break, because he expects the looming civil war will end the season. He’s hoping America will have the guts to do what's right, but he’s not holding out hope, "what with a communist in the White House.”

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 Outfielder Elwood Moss has developed a rash on his legs that teammates and reporters find enormously disturbing. Some are refusing to enter the clubhouse when Moss is disrobing. “That’s why we wear sweat pants,” cracks El, who hasn't showered since Christmas.

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 On his way to Sunday’s practice, Jeff Canterbury found a belt buckle outside the stadium featuring the insignia of the Michigan Freeform Party Monkeys. “Somebody’s probably looking for this,” Canterbury said, who has taken to wearing the belt at home.

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 Catcher Archie Freer did 40 sit-ups Thursday. “The first ones are the toughest,” he reported. “I’ll be hurting tonight.”

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Knuckleballer Geoff Turley got a big surprise Friday. His ex-wife, Naomi, a former Miss Erie County, posted on her Instagram account that Turley suffered from erectile  disfunction and was "barely a flea bite in bed." Says Turley, “With Naomi, Cal Ripken wouldn’t last a week.”

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If you see Arlindo Vasquez, wish the plucky Dominican infielder a happy birthday... seven times! His U.S. Visa has been corrected. He’s now 29.

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Shortly before being shipped out to Scranton, veteran minor leaguer Ange Swink wowed teammates – and won himself some extra bus fare – by eating 50 hard-boiled eggs in a half-hour. Last year, Swink missed six weeks after a light bulb exploded in his stomach.

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Outfielder Bobby Rome’s lost cell phone has turned up at the media center. Reporters say Bobby - now in Day Four of his self-imposed media blackout- can have it... if he asks.

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Word to the wise regarding first-baseman Hal Grimble: Don’t get him started on crop circles.