The speed demon Yankees lead MLB in stolen bases this spring... and other morsels of meaninglessness

Shades of Omar Moreno and Coco Crisp! The famously slow-puttering Death Barge - known for speeds commonly associated with the late Betty White - has become a LIVING TERROR ON THE BASEPATHS. 

It's the year of Boonie's Bedbugs, Cashman's Cruisers, Levine's Leopards, Hal's Hares! 

Screw the small sample size, doubters. This spring, the Yankees lead all of MLB in - drop jaws now - stolen bases. 

Holy crap! When we play in Boston, they'll be chanting, "STOP THE STEAL."

Team leader, with three, is Tim "Lightning" Locastro, who apparently did not lose his speed - his primary asset - when he tore his knee last summer. Thus far, Locastro's return to form undermines Brett Gardner's, though I still believe it will happen some night, when we least expect it. 

If we learned anything from last winter, it's that pro sports hinges on brinksmanship. One of these days, somewhere, an outfielder will clutch his hammy and signal for the meat wagon. That night, the team's GM will phone Gardy. At that point, and only then, the Yankees will need to decide whether to sign their de facto captain or let a lifelong Yankee don another uniform. If the call comes from, say, Milwaukee or Pittsburgh, I suspect they'll sit it out. But if it comes from a team in the AL East... nah. And by the way, if/when that happens, Locastro would become the odd man out. (Oh, and no "G.I. Jane" jokes about Gardy's noggin.) 

Also leading "Steinbrenner's Striders" - (anybody remember that chestnut from 1982?) - are Isiah "Ralph" Kiner-Falefa and Anthony Rizzo - each with two stolen bases. I'm filing Rizzo's into the "Savvied Vet Outsmarts Pitcher" category. The Hyphen, though, might be good for 20 to 30 this year.

Other meaningless team stats:

1. The Yanks rank ninth in strikeouts - proving the K's malaise is nationwide. The obsession with HRs has turned baseball into a tedium of strikeouts and walks - in my mind, the greatest long term threat to the game. Of course, Joey Gallo leads the Yankees with 9 Ks. (Actually, he's tied with Scrantonian Ryan LaMarre, whose nightmare spring -.077 - might be his last.) 

2. Get this: Thus far this spring, across all of MLB, four sacrifices have been executed. Four.

Okay, I get it that this is spring training, and that batters are refining their swings, and that nobody gives a red hairy carp who wins... so, yeah, the number of sacs should be low. Still... four? In all of baseball? Four. This is not an April Fools joke.

A week from now, teams will start every 10th inning with a phantom runner, the "Manfred Man," on second. I wonder: Will anybody possess the skill set to bunt him to third? Does anybody, anywhere, anymore bother to master this former fundamental? (By the way, this is another reason why some team would call Gardy.)

3. The Yankees are in top tier of MLB in the following offensive categories:

Grounding Into Double Plays: 9th (Of course.)
Home Runs: 5th (No surprise)
At Bats per HR: 6th (Huh...?)

They rank 12th in batting average, 13th in on base percentage.

What does all this mean? No clue. But still, when I look at this team, I see 2013 - Lyle Overbay, Vernon Wells, Pronk, Youk and Ichiro. Only one difference: We went into that season with such high hopes...