A little something from Above Average and I to help change our collective mood.
AstrOids is a space-themed multidirectional shooter arcade game.
The player controls a flying garbage can as it travels through an AstrOiod field to get to its Home World Series.
Players shoot and destroy the AstrOids, while trying not to collide with them, for as long as they can before the AstrOids inevitably win.
User Notes and Tips:
1) Each time an AstrOid is hit it only makes them madder. Keep hitting them anyway. Feels good doesn’t it?
2) This game comes with several cheat codes. Unfortunately they are used by the AstrOids.
3) At times the gun will “Gallo” and the player will be unable to hit anything. When this happens just crash your ship into the nearest Flying Altuve. You will still lose the game but at least you take the little shit with you.
Like Gallows bat, my gun is stuck in the strike position. I pull the trigger but nothing happens.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea, Doug!
ReplyDeleteHoss
ReplyDeleteThanks. AA brought it to life and more.
Altuve is a small target. But he is hittable.
ReplyDeleteYou'll have to get the Astros out of your heads.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, stop talking about them.
It's getting as tedious as a game with Hicks,Gallo and Higgy batting back to back.
Our problem is not the Astros, it is the gaping holes in our lineup which will continued to be exposed as the long season unfolds.
Some can get hot and cold, but Gallo, Hicks and High never truly aren't un-frigid. Not to mention the inevitable 4 week Stanton wiff cycle. and Donaldson just blowing
ReplyDeleteThe Archangel speaks my mind.
ReplyDeleteDoug K., AboveAverage:
This was great.
One other thought: If the game player ever gets ahead and starts successfully shooting AtrOids, Hal, the cheap SOB owner of the arcade machine, will raise the per play price from $0.25 to $15.50.
Arch speaks my mind, too!
ReplyDeleteI meant no offense
ReplyDeleteAs I re-read this post, it may have come off as harsh towards Doug. K. I did not mean it as anything personal.
I just hate even reading about this Houston ASStros.
Gallows and Hicks are stupid and stubborn hitters. When a single is needed Hicks left handed never goes the opposite way with the left side completely open. Ditto Joey Tourettes. Always trying for the 5-run Homer. When Gleyber is hitting well he goes to the opposite side. But he gets into the wild swinging pattern frequently but eventually snaps out of it. Rizzoli, DJ, and even Stanton consistently go the other way. Well, Stanton just tries to hit the ball.
ReplyDeleteRizzo* LOL
ReplyDeleteBut I guess we've all beaten this horse to death.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteArch, I'm sure Doug is hiding in a closet somewhere quietly weeping from the depths of his wounded soul.
Archie,
ReplyDeleteNo harm no foul. It was fun to do.
Your broader point about getting the Astros out of our head is well taken.
As is the overall point about all of us writing about the same stuff.
I suppose we could have done one about the "Gaping Holes" in our line up but this is a family site. :)
But there's a reason for this current lack of subjects...
The Yankees are in first by a lot. So it's hard to rip Brain. OK, make that harder.
The Yankees (prior to this week) were playing aggressive baseball so it's hard to rip Boone. OK, make that harder.
Gary Sanchez is gone!
That leaves Gallo and the Astros. (A failed 60's garage band)
and Hicks.
What's a fella to do?
All I can say is, we'd better beat the Pirates tonight. Yesterday was as painful as an Astrohoid.
Fresh off his PED suspension, the Yanks have signed former Braves reliever Richard Rodriguez to a minor league contract. He has some solid numbers in his past, but should not be confused with Goose Gossage. Still, when injuries bite in the 2nd half don’t be surprised to see him up brought up. And he’s cheap! We all know Cashman loves a bargain, to show us all how smart he is.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteDoug did pour his heart and soul into that post, ArchAng.
Full disclosure - he labored for months on that concept, hammering out draft after draft after draft.
He repeatedly reached out to me for help with the graphics.
We're talking at least twenty emails here.
( it went all the way from Whack a AstroMole-Asshole to Grand Theft Astro to My Little Altuve )
So even if he says he's OK - I think that your cold hearted rejection of Doug's work will take months to recover from.
Daily wellness checks may be required until the healthcare professionals signal all's clear.
ReplyDeleteDoug, I suspect once the dust has settled after the trade deadline, we'll have PLENTY to rip The Intern about. As far as Booooone is concerned, as long as the Yankees keep winning, he can't do much harm. Not TOO much.
AA,
ReplyDeleteGrand Theft Astro is really good. What about...
Grand Theft Astro: Playoff Edition
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ReplyDeleteYes, Doug has told me that he was "traumatized" by those remarks, Archie, and as a result I think we need to have a "trigger warning," whenever you are about to post.
ReplyDeleteAlso, we need to build Doug a "safe space" he can retreat to, when these comments grow too harsh.
Incidentally, a good Red Sox game last night. The Sox fell behind early, tied it, and then had numerous opportunities to go ahead. All of which they squandered.
ReplyDeleteNinth inning, with the umps insisting on playing it out in a driving rain, they loaded the bases, trailing 8-4 (In part because a Sock got hit by a pitch that slipped out of the closer's hand. Not the smartest umpiring around these days.)
The Fenway Faithful were going mad, rooting their heads off in the pouring rain. Then the next guy popped out. End of game. Noise stopped like somebody threw a switch. I loved it!
I did think Costas was going to cry on the air. Earlier, he even called a ball that Kiermaier made an outstanding catch on, a hit.
"I thought the sound of his hitting the wall was the ball hitting it," sounding like nothing so much as a broken-hearted Boy Scout.
Ron Darling had to advise him that there was this other sensory organ he could use, known as "the eyes."