Yank lead stands at six; Toronto makes its move - and the Redsocks make performance art

Talk about unexpected gifts? What a nice surprise! I don't know what to say... 

(Tearing up.) I told myself I wouldn't cry.  (Wipes face., acknowledges shouts of "We love you!")  Thank you. I love you too. (Applause. Sniffles.)  I believe I speak for the Yankiverse - (voice breaks) - in expressing  heartfelt thanks to our friends in the Northeastern Liberal Witchburn Corridor. (Cheers.) 

You know, there are many unfathomable ways to gift a game, but flinging the ball all the way to the RF corner, and then failing to touch 1B while running out a grounder - that's art. That's Maria Abramovic marrying Bonehead Merkel. And that's what Boston gave us last night.

You know what I loved the most? It wasn't Aaron Judge silencing those uppity clods who were shouting that he's overrated. It wasn't Clarke Schmidt fanning Bogaertes, Devers and Martinez like Lucy devouring chocolates on an out-of-control conveyer belt. No. It was hearing that faithful chant "Yankees suck!" every now and then, growing ever-weaker, like a Buzz Lightyear toy with a dying chip, going more silent with each play. 

The Yankees really, really, REALLY needed a two-game sweep, and Boston delivered. If we'd lost two, our collapse would still be in full throw. Now, we get Milwaukee (Cecil Fielder?), Pittsburgh (with that 6'6" skinny SS) and then home for four with the Campbell's Tomato Redsocks. Don't get me wrong: We can still blow this. If we've learned anything, it's that the 2022 Death Barge can go ice-cold faster than an Aroldis Chapman wild pitch directly to the backstop. But last night, Boston came through for us. Thank you, Ben and Matt. Thank you, Conan. Thank you, Steve Tyler. Thank you... white, privileged, self-righteous frat bros, everywhere.

This we know:

1. Harrison Bader homered last night for Scranton. That's nice. He played DH, which is sorta not nice. He's a week away, maybe more. His arrival should mean the end of Aaron Hicks, who made yet another crapola fielding play last night, a throw to the plate so offline that Nestor needed to snag it. In some ways, it's touching - Boone's loyalty to his starters. It's akin to a moose's love for his flying squirrel. I suspect that, up close, Hicks is a jolly old fellow, which nobody can deny. Great golfer, they say. Killer drives on a par 3. He's had great moments: Remember that game in Minnesota two years ago, his diving catch in left-center, and then the HR? Damn. I wish he could get it back. But this is New York, not Middle Earth, and here, the fairy tales usually involve a plucky rat pulling home a pizza. Bader is coming, for better or worse. And Hicks will disappear. 

2. Last night, Zack Britton pitched a 1-2-3 eighth inning in the same game. Eleven pitches, eight strikes. If his famous sinkerball is working... ah, but dare we believe it? These rosy updates are like dispatches from the Ukrainian front: You want to buy into it, but you can never dispel the notion that we're being played. Soon, we'll get the same treatment from Aroldis, as he mows through some Double A lineup. 

Look, I get it: That Yankees MUST give both vets a chance to pitch themselves onto the postseason roster. But there is danger in viewing them with 2018 glasses. They are not - probably never will be - the intimidating factors they once were. And they just might knock out Ron Marinaccio and/or Clarke Schmidt, who are still ascending. 

All I say is this: I cannot think of a more painful way to end 2022 than with another El Chapo walk-off gopher ball. If that happens, I'm calling for a Jan. 6. Hang Hal Pence!

3. The Rays play the BJs today at 3:15 p.m., Buffalo time. I suppose we should pragmatically root for the Tampons, snagging a game in the loss column. But it's like the Dems supporting MAGA election-deniers because they think they'll be pasties in the general election. Be careful what you ask for. Both teams could win it all. If we end up playing either, expect the series to go down to the final pitch, and they won't be gifting us Little League HRs.