Congrats to Scott Rolen for making the Hall of Fame. One question, though: Who the hell is Scott Rolen?

It's the award season in America, where the Jewels of humankind - along with the Chers, Beyonces and Mileys - get to hug golden trophies and cry rivers of self-validation. In this annual anointment of cultural gods, nothing compares to the Oscars, except - well - the Grammys, the Tonys, the MTVs, the SAGs, the People's Choices, the Kennedy Center nominees, the Country Music whatevers and - of course - the Golden Calves Globes.  

This week, sportswriters across America - baseball's version of the sleazy Hollywood Foreign Press Association - elected Scott Rolen to the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. Across the nation - at least in Philadelphia and St. Louis - fans reacted happily to the news. Rolen gave 17 dutiful years to the Phills, Cards and - in a brief cameo  - Blue Jays. 

As far as Yank fans are concerned, they might as well have elected Sidd Finch. 

If you're a Yank fan, for the last two days, you've been scouring your memory banks, trying to recall the guy in the way that Baruch College volleyball diehards do for George Santos. Good luck. Over his 17 years, Rolen played 14 - fourteen - games in the old Yankee Stadium: That's 57 plate appearances with a .300 batting average in what we like to call Small Sample Size. Rolen played four games (4) in the new Yankee stadium, with a total of 19 plate appearances! He got four hits, drove in two runs. Was he real, or did we imagine him?

Listen, I don't mean to toss water upon Rolen's great honor. From all accounts, he seems like a righteous, standup dude who appeared in seven all-star games and won eight Gold Gloves. That said, a few points:

1. Rolen is a career .281 hitter. He averaged 19 HRs per season. In postseason play, a lifetime .220. Only once did he crack the National League's MVP's Top 10: He finished 4th in 2004. Surely, his numbers don't fully outline the great player and person that he is. 

2. The Hall of Fame in Cooperstown is a private enterprise owned by an unbelievably rich family. It was established on the lie that Abner Doubleday invented baseball in that town, and over the years, it has refused to honor people because of their political beliefs.

3. In the balloting, the Yankees simply do not always get a fair shake. Amazingly, ridiculously, Roger Maris still has never been inducted. Same with Thurman Munson and Ron Guidry. Bernie Williams. Andy Pettitte. All those rings under Joe Torre? Apparently, they just happened by themselves. Oh, one other thing: Don Fucking Mattingly. 

4. The Hall of Fame voters are mostly old, white, small market fart bags who have devoted much of their lives to ranting about the Yankees ruined baseball, by paying the players too much money. They yearn for the time before Curt Flood and the players union - and when people still read newspapers.

So, Scott Rolen is in the hall? Congrats! And I mean it. He must have been great! I'll take their word for it. Frankly, I have no choice. I can't place him.