Specifically, these stories:
1. At least three rock-ribbed Yanks will awe the Gammonites by arriving "in the greatest condition" of their lives, having ditched the cheeseburgers and discovered soap, as they now approach surefire superstardom.
2. Two players will disclose "minor setbacks" from the winter, too trivial to be mentioned previously. They won't affect the coming season one iota, though they'll probably miss a month, three tops.
3. Three youngsters who, in batting practice or on the mound, blow the minds of all in attendance. Someday, someone will write a song about their incredible showcases of potential.
4. Aaron Boone, speaking as Aaron Boone, imitating Aaron Boone, if he were being paid to be Aaron Boone. (What other trope stories am I missing?)
Get ready, everybody. Right now, it's quiet - too quiet, Ward Bond used to say. Enjoy the silence. Soon, the battery will turn over. All will start anew.
The utter irrelevance of the ST games themselves. We lifelong baseball fans need to be reminded of this. Over and over.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the 30-something "Major League invite" scrap heap pitcher who will make the team out of ST which will then be followed by several weeks of Cashman Genius articles followed by that pitcher flaming out by May15.
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ReplyDeleteYou asked for other stories...
ReplyDelete1) A trade for a decent left fielder falls apart because of Cashman's reluctance to include (Over hyped prospect) in the deal.
2) Josh Donaldson understands what is important now, as he spent the off season splitting his time between fatherhood and working with his former HS coach on developing a new swing.
3) Aaron Hicks gets a hole-in-one while playing at a Disney course in Orlando. Says it is the greatest thing he has ever done in sports, by far.
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4) Aaron Hicks shanks his drive on the next hole into a water hazard. Goes after it, and, is eaten by an alligator.
5) Giancarlo Stanton and Benny Biceps both get injured when they get into a "girl lifting" contest at a Tampa Bay strip club.
6) Tom Brady is signed to a ten-day contract. Is announced as opening day starter.
7) Seizing the opportunity created by Hicks untimely demise, Florial hits .689 in Spring Training. Still gets sent down.
SAME OLD STORY!
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ReplyDeleteKyle Higashioka hits 5 HRs, bats .419. Cites off-season nutrition plan, swing adjustment, new smart watch. Media swoons.
Higgy was my first thought, too, Mildred. And the YES announcers will keep mentioning his great ST for two or three months as he bats .220 with no HRs.
ReplyDeleteIndeed…a new year with old problems, all with the same root cause. Cashman!
ReplyDeleteOr .120 with 6 homers.
ReplyDeleteHilarious, Duque and Doug!
ReplyDeleteBut this year, a new one:
—Leg injuries pile up as players try and fail to BNBs (Big New Bases).
Rob Manfred laments, "Who could've seen THAT coming?"
This just in from The Daily Murdoch:
ReplyDelete“ David Cone is not sure whether the Yankees have finally closed the gap on the Astros. He has lauded general manager Brian Cashman’s offseason moves, but he thinks there is probably still more work to do.”
No shit Sherlock
DickAllen
ReplyDeletePlease don't denigrate Conie, perhaps the best paid YES shill.
And don't denigrate Dr. Watson's annoying, yet insightful, friend.
We actually need Mr.Holmes to explain to Hal why analytics is gibberish, except to self-anointed geniuses from Ivy League Graduate Schools and the cast of the Big Bang Theory.
Maybe Barren Hicks will do us all a favor and injury his gluts and miss the entire season. AaRon who? I am done listening to that clown.
ReplyDeleteAnd the cast of the Big Bang Theory would be a helluva lot funnier about it, Archie!
ReplyDelete