Today's Top Ten raging hot controversies in the Yankiverse

1. What in the name of Jacoby Ellsbury was Aaron Judge doing yesterday, taking throws at 1B? The Captain plays RF, not 1B. Listenup, people: Anthony Rizzo plays 1B. DJ LeMahieu plays 1B. Judge occupies RF, where nobody runs into him. This how somebody's foot gets stepped on, and he ends up hiting .212. Stick that man in RF. Let the big dog run! In bubble wrap.  

2. Redsock brain goon Joey Cora is admitting that his Astros crime family cheated the 2017 Yankees out of their rightful crowns. WTF? All that stuff about the cameras and the garbage cans, that really happened? I always figured it was just another thing we were whining about - you know - to complain about things. They really cheated? How dare they! Now I'm mad. 

3. Big personal day. The PECOTA projections are out! You know me and PECOTA, what with the algorithms and the projections and the - well - the everything. PECOTA predicts the Yanks will win the 2023 AL championship. All I know is that ABE PECOTA was great on Barney Miller, but I never warmed up to Fish. 

4. There are questions about whether MLB's new pitch-timer clock - yeah, they're going there - will cause umps to crack down on Nasty Nestor's unique deliveries. Great news, there. One of the game's few iconoclastic pitchers - a throwback to Fernando, Juan Marichal and Luis Tiant - and the umps might balk him out of existence. Smart, MLB. Make every pitcher look the same. First they come for Nestor. Then they come for you and me.

5. The bigger bases have arrived, raising an existential question: Why in hell is baseball changing the fundamental contours of its playing surface? It's as if the NFL added an extra 10 yards to the field. Every base-stealing record in history will soon become moot. Maury Wills? Lou Brock? Rickie Henderson? Throw out their filing cabinets. They're no longer relevant.

6. The opening of camps is prompting insecure Gammonites to issue "bold" predictions for 2023. Which begs the question: What's "bold" about "bold predictions?" Nothing. To state it boldly: Nobody fukkin cares. Do sportswriters really think themselves "bold" for saying they think Aaron Judge will hit 70 HRs? I'd rather see "cautious" predictions, because that would, at least, suggest the writer put some time into it. 

7. Why is everyone overlooking the most important battle in Yankee camp - catcher. Yes, there are toxic train fires at 3B and LF, but Jose Trevino lost his magic dust last fall, and Kyle Higashioka puttered away an entire year. The Yankees need a LH bat, and either Benny Bicepts and/or the farm system must provideth. The Yankees cannot go another year with the bottom third of the batting order existing as a cigarette break. 

8. When will we see Harrison Bader, the great Golden Glover, make a difference in CF? Last fall, he was a postseason tiger with the bat, but he muffed a long fly in the gap, nearly colliding with No. 99. They claimed he is the best fielding CF in the game.  Well, when will we see it?

9.  Have you noticed how different movie stars look, compared to their pictures in 1985? I've seen it on the Internet! It's crazy. They look entirely different. Who knew?

10. What's this infatuation with Top Tens? Why not a Top Nine? You know, having to do Top Tens all the time could cause a blogger to pad his numbers, just to reach 10, when he should have stopped at, say, seven. Not that it happens here. Hey, what about dem PECOTAs!