Monday, October 2, 2023

Our long national nightmare has ended. And the WinWarblist wins, as our top sayer of sooth

Sleep, children. It's over. 

The bad men have gone away. 

They can't hurt us any more. 

Autumn is here, and you are safe. We won't have to endure another October meltdown.  

Gone - for now, anyway - is Giancarlo. And Rodon. And Michael Kay. And Frugal Hal. And Boonie. And the strikeouts. And the exit velos. And the rally-killing DP grounders. And the bullpen. And the one-man batting order. And the one-man rotation. And the Gammonites - no more whispery proxies of Cashman. AND OMG! NO MORE CASHMAN! At least for now. They're all gone, until February, anyway. And just maybe, some are gone for good. 

Sleep. Dream of 2024. O!, it shall be a wondrous year, full of harmony, peace and prosperity, and political good will! Nothing brings out the goodness in us more than a presidential election - except perhaps a Yankee championship! Go ahead, children, dream, dream, dream of better times to come!

Okay, that's enough. Wake up, assholes. It's time to see who among us are the soothsayers and who are the slobbers of sooth. 

Last March, we predicted the number of wins the 2023 Yankees would record. Here's what I said. Read it and weep.

This is what you, the bold commentators of IT IS HIGH, predicted. 

The Yankees won 82 games. Aaron Judge hit 37 HRs. Anthony Volpe batted .209 (and no matter how it's spun, nobody imagined he would be so ineffective.)  

THE IT IS HIGH Predictions for 2023

Name                   Wins                Judge HRs        Volpe BA

The Idiots
Stang                     102                        74                          .241
JM                           101                         55                          .262
Platoni                  101                         52                          .287
ME, EL DUQUE  100                        63                          .238

Eaters of the Crap 
Ken of Brooklyn  98                       49                         .248
Mattingly’s Mustache  97           60                          .273
Dave Murray        97                        54                          .262
Ranger_lp            96                        47                           .273
Hammer of God   96                       37                          .260
PgPick                      96                       52                         .257
Doug K                     96                       47                          .301
Jaraxle (form Dantes)  96            52                          .282
Gary Frenay          96                       55                          .277

Hopeless Romantics
Zachary A               95                       43                          .253
Carl J. Weitz           94                       45                          .271
Kevin                        94                       52                          .274
Vampifella             94                        18                          .225
HoraceClarke66  93                        42                          .244
Hinkey Haines     93                        44                          .272
BernBabyBern     92                         36                          .276
AboveAverage      92                        48                          .281
David Bellela        92                         x                            x
MildredLopez       91                        44                           .251
Lieber                       91                        50                           .282
Rufus T. Firefly    90                       44                           .256
RtotheE                   90                       50                           .250

Dopeless Romantics 
Borntorun99        89                       36                           .248
Urban Farmer      89                        28                            .231
DickAllen               89                        54                            .241
Scottish Yankee fan   88               44                           .245
Archangel             88                         49                           .280
13bit                        86                          51                            .271
CelerinoSanchez  86                       39                           .269
WinWarblist        85                          52                           .242

The Angry One 
Alphonso              77                          47                            .289


Frankly, even though Winnie came closest in wins, I consider Alphonso to be the rightful Grand Oracle of IIH. Only he captured the hideous, odious state of the 2023 Yankees - (though he is known to veer toward excessive negativity as a method of reverse juju.)

Somehow, Alphonso blew through the hubris and the bullshit, and predicted the looming clown car of the '23 team.

So, sleep, children. The playoffs are here, and I don't even care if Sonny Gray pitches Minnesota to a ring, or if Aaron Hicks leads Baltimore to the promised land. They can't hurt us anymore. February is a long, long time away... 

16 comments:

  1. I wish to apologize to the Commentariat for not being angrier than 'Phonso. I let my team down, I let myself down, I let all of you down.

    I promise to rededicate myself to being the angriest I can be. I hope for a a very angry 2024. I will come to spring training in The Best Shape of My Career. I will be my best angriest self.

    FUCK HAL.
    FUCK CASHBRAIN.
    FUCK BOONE..

    ReplyDelete
  2. The long national nightmare is over. But to save the country, we must not EVER pardon the Yankee Stadium plumbers -- HAL, Ca$hole, and Bonehead. They should be sentenced to life watching Afghani goat polo.

    And at least we have Bucky Dent day today. There's that. Back when we had a real owner.

    Winnie, careful with the over the top optimism on your conditioning for the spring. Wouldn't want to jinx you into tweaking a spleen whilst venting it just as pitchers and catchers report.

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  3. PS,

    I woke up this morning, knowing it was Bucky Dent day. Like a 5 year old at Christmas, I was hoping, not for a bike under the tree, but that the malevolent triumvirate were somehow killed in a tragic blimp accident.

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  4. A blimp accident? Oh, the humanity! (Let's not quibble about the difference between a blimp and a dirigible, if there is one.)

    Congrats, Winnie. Like some others, I was infected by preseason optimism that proved wildly unfounded.

    I can only wish that The Kid hit .262...

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  5. Now the healing needs to begin. Maybe the Feinstein family with their 100B will make an offer to Hal and lend their private jet to Ohtani? I didn't realize public "service" was so financially rewarding.

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  6. @ JM, He might've hit .262, if he didn't have his head up his ass 90% of the time swinging for the fences. I wish they could've started the season with Sean Casey as the batting coach. Maybe Volpe hits only 10 homers, but the batting average would've been up there.

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  7. Hey, I got the 37 homers right for Judge. WHUPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I think I predicted 83 RBI for him though. So that was too high. Didn't count on the bottom of the order being this terrible.

    I heard an interesting point from Suzyn Waldman. She said LeMahieu was still recovering from the toe injury over last winter and couldn't do his normal routine. So he was behind when the 2023 season started and got off to a bad start and was pressing, making things worse.

    I hope the same thing doesn't happen to Judge next year.

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  8. I am working on going through the entire sorry ass season, analyzing the #2 hitter strategy. What a pain in the ass!!! Taking much more time than I thought it would. Very tedious work, looking up all these box scores and play by play to see if the #2 hitter got an at-bat as the last potential out of the game or as the last Yankee out of the game in a home game that they won. That can happen in the 8th inning, 9th inning, or in extra innings. Am up to May 1 now. Might be done by tomorrow or by the day after.

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  9. Man oh Man, today I'm eating a stack of crapjacks with an extra side of crap, on a plate made of crap,,,, what the HELL was I thinking LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  10. @ Rufus....I believe you can watch Afghani goat polo on your streaming box! Along with many other fetishes :)

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  11. Above Average Department of Hopes and Dreams:

    The Termination of Aaron Boone watch has begun !

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  12. First, Celerino, Feinstein's second husband (died in 1978) was a neurosurgeon. Her third was an investment banker.

    Hey, nice work if you can get it, and nobody's confusing her with Dolores Huerta. But this is what Wiki says about her wealth:

    In 2003, Feinstein was ranked the fifth-wealthiest senator, with an estimated net worth of $26 million.[234] Her net worth increased to between $43 and $99 million by 2005.[235] Her 347-page financial-disclosure statement,[236] characterized by the San Francisco Chronicle as "nearly the size of a phone book", claimed to draw clear lines between her assets and her husband's, with many of her assets in blind trusts.[237]



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  13. In truth Volpe pretty much got a free pass this year. Overall, he had an awful year at the plate, even by today’s watered down standards. His lousy approach with two strikes became jaw dropping. Where is the fucking coaching? Overall the team showed a slight decline under Casey, who looks to be back along his golfing buddy Boone. He needs to start showing improvement next year or Peraza should be given an extended look.

    Should be interesting to see next year’s predictions. I guarantee you they won’t be so optimistic.

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  14. Turning to baseball, I, too, blame myself for not achieving Alphonsian levels of anger, and pledge to do better next year.

    My original choice was also 77 wins, but I just couldn't believe they'd win so few in such a weak league. More fool me.

    ReplyDelete

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