The bad men have gone away.
They can't hurt us any more.
Autumn is here, and you are safe. We won't have to endure another October meltdown.
Gone - for now, anyway - is Giancarlo. And Rodon. And Michael Kay. And Frugal Hal. And Boonie. And the strikeouts. And the exit velos. And the rally-killing DP grounders. And the bullpen. And the one-man batting order. And the one-man rotation. And the Gammonites - no more whispery proxies of Cashman. AND OMG! NO MORE CASHMAN! At least for now. They're all gone, until February, anyway. And just maybe, some are gone for good.
Sleep. Dream of 2024. O!, it shall be a wondrous year, full of harmony, peace and prosperity, and political good will! Nothing brings out the goodness in us more than a presidential election - except perhaps a Yankee championship! Go ahead, children, dream, dream, dream of better times to come!
Okay, that's enough. Wake up, assholes. It's time to see who among us are the soothsayers and who are the slobbers of sooth.
Last March, we predicted the number of wins the 2023 Yankees would record. Here's what I said. Read it and weep.
This is what you, the bold commentators of IT IS HIGH, predicted.
The Yankees won 82 games. Aaron Judge hit 37 HRs. Anthony Volpe batted .209 (and no matter how it's spun, nobody imagined he would be so ineffective.)
THE IT IS HIGH Predictions for 2023
Name Wins Judge HRs Volpe BA
The Idiots
Stang 102 74 .241
JM 101 55 .262
Platoni 101 52 .287
ME, EL DUQUE 100 63 .238
Eaters of the Crap
Ken of Brooklyn 98 49 .248
Mattingly’s Mustache 97 60 .273
Dave Murray 97 54 .262
Ranger_lp 96 47 .273
Hammer of God 96 37 .260
PgPick 96 52 .257
Doug K 96 47 .301
Jaraxle (form Dantes) 96 52 .282
Gary Frenay 96 55 .277
Hopeless Romantics
Zachary A 95 43 .253
Carl J. Weitz 94 45 .271
Kevin 94 52 .274
Vampifella 94 18 .225
HoraceClarke66 93 42 .244
Hinkey Haines 93 44 .272
BernBabyBern 92 36 .276
AboveAverage 92 48 .281
David Bellela 92 x x
MildredLopez 91 44 .251
Lieber 91 50 .282
Rufus T. Firefly 90 44 .256
RtotheE 90 50 .250
Dopeless Romantics
Borntorun99 89 36 .248
Urban Farmer 89 28 .231
DickAllen 89 54 .241
Scottish Yankee fan 88 44 .245
Archangel 88 49 .280
13bit 86 51 .271
CelerinoSanchez 86 39 .269
WinWarblist 85 52 .242
The Angry One
Alphonso 77 47 .289
Frankly, even though Winnie came closest in wins, I consider Alphonso to be the rightful Grand Oracle of IIH. Only he captured the hideous, odious state of the 2023 Yankees - (though he is known to veer toward excessive negativity as a method of reverse juju.)
Somehow, Alphonso blew through the hubris and the bullshit, and predicted the looming clown car of the '23 team.
So, sleep, children. The playoffs are here, and I don't even care if Sonny Gray pitches Minnesota to a ring, or if Aaron Hicks leads Baltimore to the promised land. They can't hurt us anymore. February is a long, long time away...
Unwavering.
ReplyDeleteUnwaveringly fuck Hal.
I wish to apologize to the Commentariat for not being angrier than 'Phonso. I let my team down, I let myself down, I let all of you down.
ReplyDeleteI promise to rededicate myself to being the angriest I can be. I hope for a a very angry 2024. I will come to spring training in The Best Shape of My Career. I will be my best angriest self.
FUCK HAL.
FUCK CASHBRAIN.
FUCK BOONE..
So I do solemnly swear.
ReplyDeleteThe long national nightmare is over. But to save the country, we must not EVER pardon the Yankee Stadium plumbers -- HAL, Ca$hole, and Bonehead. They should be sentenced to life watching Afghani goat polo.
ReplyDeleteAnd at least we have Bucky Dent day today. There's that. Back when we had a real owner.
Winnie, careful with the over the top optimism on your conditioning for the spring. Wouldn't want to jinx you into tweaking a spleen whilst venting it just as pitchers and catchers report.
PS,
ReplyDeleteI woke up this morning, knowing it was Bucky Dent day. Like a 5 year old at Christmas, I was hoping, not for a bike under the tree, but that the malevolent triumvirate were somehow killed in a tragic blimp accident.
A blimp accident? Oh, the humanity! (Let's not quibble about the difference between a blimp and a dirigible, if there is one.)
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Winnie. Like some others, I was infected by preseason optimism that proved wildly unfounded.
I can only wish that The Kid hit .262...
Now the healing needs to begin. Maybe the Feinstein family with their 100B will make an offer to Hal and lend their private jet to Ohtani? I didn't realize public "service" was so financially rewarding.
ReplyDelete@ JM, He might've hit .262, if he didn't have his head up his ass 90% of the time swinging for the fences. I wish they could've started the season with Sean Casey as the batting coach. Maybe Volpe hits only 10 homers, but the batting average would've been up there.
ReplyDeleteHey, I got the 37 homers right for Judge. WHUPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI think I predicted 83 RBI for him though. So that was too high. Didn't count on the bottom of the order being this terrible.
I heard an interesting point from Suzyn Waldman. She said LeMahieu was still recovering from the toe injury over last winter and couldn't do his normal routine. So he was behind when the 2023 season started and got off to a bad start and was pressing, making things worse.
I hope the same thing doesn't happen to Judge next year.
I am working on going through the entire sorry ass season, analyzing the #2 hitter strategy. What a pain in the ass!!! Taking much more time than I thought it would. Very tedious work, looking up all these box scores and play by play to see if the #2 hitter got an at-bat as the last potential out of the game or as the last Yankee out of the game in a home game that they won. That can happen in the 8th inning, 9th inning, or in extra innings. Am up to May 1 now. Might be done by tomorrow or by the day after.
ReplyDeleteMan oh Man, today I'm eating a stack of crapjacks with an extra side of crap, on a plate made of crap,,,, what the HELL was I thinking LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete@ Rufus....I believe you can watch Afghani goat polo on your streaming box! Along with many other fetishes :)
ReplyDeleteAbove Average Department of Hopes and Dreams:
ReplyDeleteThe Termination of Aaron Boone watch has begun !
First, Celerino, Feinstein's second husband (died in 1978) was a neurosurgeon. Her third was an investment banker.
ReplyDeleteHey, nice work if you can get it, and nobody's confusing her with Dolores Huerta. But this is what Wiki says about her wealth:
In 2003, Feinstein was ranked the fifth-wealthiest senator, with an estimated net worth of $26 million.[234] Her net worth increased to between $43 and $99 million by 2005.[235] Her 347-page financial-disclosure statement,[236] characterized by the San Francisco Chronicle as "nearly the size of a phone book", claimed to draw clear lines between her assets and her husband's, with many of her assets in blind trusts.[237]
In truth Volpe pretty much got a free pass this year. Overall, he had an awful year at the plate, even by today’s watered down standards. His lousy approach with two strikes became jaw dropping. Where is the fucking coaching? Overall the team showed a slight decline under Casey, who looks to be back along his golfing buddy Boone. He needs to start showing improvement next year or Peraza should be given an extended look.
ReplyDeleteShould be interesting to see next year’s predictions. I guarantee you they won’t be so optimistic.
Turning to baseball, I, too, blame myself for not achieving Alphonsian levels of anger, and pledge to do better next year.
ReplyDeleteMy original choice was also 77 wins, but I just couldn't believe they'd win so few in such a weak league. More fool me.