Wednesday, November 29, 2023

How the Steinbrenner Family Understands Baseball.

 

Lately, I have noticed in these spaces a lot of joking—I HOPE it's joking!—about finding a way to make sure that Giancarlo Stanton, how shall we say it? 'won't be around here no more.'

Stop it! Stop it right now, before we get assorted government agencies sniffing around our beloved website. 

Besides, it's not Giancarlo's fault that he accepted gazillions of dollars to work out until his body inevitably breaks...well, all right, it's partly his fault. But who among us would have turned that money down? And just look at how he rocks a flouncy, transparent white...I dunno what that is. Blouse?

Never mind! A much easier way to get rid of Giancarlo, as I have suggested numerous times, is just play him until he breaks. Ellsbury the guy, you know what I'm talkin' about?

But let's face it. That's never going to happen. It's never going to happen because that's not how the Steinbrenner family thinks about ballplayers. Never has been, never will be.

You do some reading back into the history of the shipping company that the Steinbrenners' inherited and ran into bankruptcy, and you learn how thoroughly unhappy everyone at the company was. George's father and grandfather were apparently slavedrivers, torturing all their employees. Any raise meant an exponential increase in hours and expectations. People HATED that company.


That's exactly how George and HAL think of ballplayers, too. George was apparently an erratic tyrant back in the Yankees' home office, while HAL seems to be beloved. But that doesn't matter.

When it comes to the guys on the field, the expectation is the same: "I gave them lots of money. Why aren't they performing?"

You saw that mentality reflected in the Brown-Noser-in-Chief's statements about how, in 2024, we have to get Giancarlo and DJ rebooted, or whatever he said, and back to playing as they once did. As always, the Greatest Office Politician Whatever Was, was echoing his chief's thoughts.

It never registers that guys like Stanton or LeMahieu, after years of injuries—after aging into the upper realms of ballplayer lifespans—will never, ever be what they were before. Not without huge helpings of special joy juice, and maybe not even then. 

They're done, finished. Get what you can for them, write off the money, and move on. 

But just like his father, HAL will never accept that. Getting worse with age? They're supposed to get BETTER with age! Giancarlo Stanton is supposed to be one more office worker, toiling away ever harder because of all the raises and promotions he's got, banging that office calculator until the big heart attack leaves him sprawled facedown over his desk one day.

See you in 2029!







 

17 comments:

  1. Horace, there is one major flaw with your premise that the Yankees pull " an Ellsbury" on Stanton, DJL, etc. Collecting on those players' insurance policies would help only Hal's bottom line, but it would not affect money counting against the soft salary cap, err, luxury tax. So, Steinbrenner's vow to not go over any luxury tax tier would not change, and the organization's outlook on splurging to sign star players would remain the same.

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  2. Yeah, good point, Carl. I was hoping that being able to make up the insurance money might get HAL to spring for another player, but you're probably right. Also, going over the salary cap would probably annoy his fellow magnates, and as we've seen, HAL doesn't like to do that.

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  3. Look - I'm willing to throw in ten bucks if that helps get the apple cart going.

    HAL - if you're reading this (and I KNOW THAT YOU ARE) I'll Venmo over ten dollars right now to help sign the Admiral.

    Just text me and it's done.

    And that's not all.

    Text me within the next hour and I'll throw in an additional $10 via PayPal and another $10 via Zelle.

    That's $30 smackaroos in all.

    BIG MONEY!

    Come on HAL. You know what to do . . . .

    Get her done, Son!





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  4. I haven’t called for murdering Stanton.

    As I mentioned earlier today, we still have to pay him and take the luxury tax hit, so what’s the point

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  5. Eventually the EL will be renamed the SL...Mike's name will live in infamy...

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  6. Sevy to the Mets, eh?

    Well, I pretty much have no more hope for Hal to do the right thing, which is to either can Brian and Boone or - in lieu of that - selling the team to someone who's a fan. BUT, the only shred left could be if the Mets dominate. If the Mets stand on our New York city testicles and crush them into the sidewalk. If they so grab the headlines and the imaginations of New Yorkers that even flatulent Hal takes note. IF that happens, then what? Fuck. Nothing, but I can dream, can't I? And Sevy may not be Christy Mathewson, but he's not Carl Pavano, either. I know those poles are far apart. Those pesky poles... (ducking)

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  7. 13bit - if yah gunna ducking - you had bettah get a covering' as well . . .

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  8. Many owners are fans, but I can't think of any who actually bought a ring. John Henry?

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  9. Neverino to the Mets for 1year at 13m

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  10. You'd bettah duck, Bitty. There, I did it in Bostonese.

    I don't like the Sevvy deal. Especially, I don't like that the Mets were willing to pay $13 mill for Sevvy. That makes me think they know something we don't.

    On the other hand, their new genius just replaced Buck Showalter with our bench coach, so who knows?

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  11. Kevin - you’re dialed in awareness always makes me smile

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  12. Your not you’re - good golly Wally

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  13. Good Night True Believers! Tomorrow brings scary tales of change. Beware

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  14. Boone is an idiot. Cashman is a toady. Hal is an asshole.

    For these and more revelations, join us tomorrow for "Whassa Matta Foryou?"

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