Then, coincidentally, when Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander became available, Hal Steinbrenner and the Yankees achieved radio silence.
You can't predict baseball, Suzyn. But human nature? That's another thing.
Once upon a time, before the furious ghost of Marvin Miller stalked the halls of Cooperstown, the Players Union would scream "Collusion!" over happenstances that carried the sulfurous aroma of a well-cooked deal. Remember shame? Dishonor? Ah, what concepts! Those were the days, back before politicians became oil cans, before radio became legalized payola, and before bratty billionaires became swaggering gods - back before the Yanks became walking sandwich boards for Starr Insurance.
Okay, enough carping. Today, let's celebrate that the Yankees and Mets should easily be able to cut an invisible and unprovable deal on the future of Shohei Ohtani. It's simple: The Yanks will flap their arms, wave some Benjamins, and carefully finish 2nd in bids for the Japanese slugger. Then, in their quest for Yoshinobo Yamamoto, the Mets will pull a financial hammy. Each NY team gets a star. They never actually bid against each other. After that, it's all about divvying up the scraps - a Keirmaier here, a Severino there. Everybody happy! Isn't capitalism fun?
Besides, the Yankees cannot realistically sign Ohtani because:
1. They already have a full-time DH.
2. Their DH is signed through 2028.
3. Their DH has a no-trade clause.
4. They owe their DH $100 million.
Wait! Huh? No! Don't get me wrong here! I'm not suggesting - in the slightest way - that the Yankees and Mets would ever, ever collude. That would be unethical. If anyone somehow thinks I believe these pillars of American righteousness and thrift would ever, EVER, mar the pristine waters of Norman Rockwell capitalism, shame on you. GET OUT! NOW! YOUR IT-IS-HIGH HALL PASS IS HEREBY REVOKED! Such shenanigans simply will not happen.
But if they somehow seem to happen, well, let's enjoy it. Go, Hal! Go, Steve! Hang in there, Marvin.
In the film version, Hal and Steve will be played by two fat guys smoking cigars. Unfortunately, Edward Arnold is dead, so he can't be one of them.
ReplyDeleteIs Pizza the Hutt still alive?
ReplyDeleteElephant in the room...Ohtani is now damaged goods..and if the Yanks sign him, they will never hear the end of it when he goes down for three months or more...
ReplyDeletePizza the Hutt--Danny Thomas spit take.
ReplyDeleteOhtani is now perfect for the Yankees. He is damaged goods, and there is no pitcher more enticing to Cashman's hollow eyes than a guy who's arm is falling off.
Ohtani was never coming here anyway. That Stanton contract, man.. 4 more years before the buyout? At some point they’ll have to cut him loose or permanently shunt him onto the IL.
ReplyDeleteWhat happens to an MLB player's contract if he drops dead from circumstances other than in the act of performing his job? I believe the contract is then terminated....like that player.
ReplyDeleteSurely, Hal must know Putin from one plutocrat to another. Maybe he can prod the Russian leader into slipping a bit of Polonium 210 or Novichok into Stanton's tea. Maybe promise to make Sochi their Spring Training HQ for a certain amount of years,
Duque, I would pay cash money for that scenario. I'm fine with us waving on E.O. ("Eternally Overrated") Ohtani and signing Yamamoto. After which we should go all out for Bellinger, Monty, and T.J.R. (That Japanese Reliever), and announce, "Hey, we understand that our two best players—two of the best players in the game today—Aaron Judge and Gerrit Cole—only have so much left in their bodies. So we are now going all-out to win it all over the next few years."
ReplyDeleteForget it. It's a pipe dream, never going to happen. And forget Yamamoto, Admiral of the Eastern Sea. The Yanks are not doing one thing beyond (possibly) signing Kevin KIermaier this offseason.
In case anyone is wondering, MLB contracts are fully guaranteed, whether the player dies, suffers a career-ending injury, or is named Bobby Bonilla. Most teams carry insurance for the their expensive guaranteed contracts.
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ReplyDeleteSigning Yama or (and?) Belli are actually realistic possibilities, depending on what the penurious Steinbummer is thkimg…Soto and Ohtani far less realistic. hard for me to see them go after Jung Hoo Lee.
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ReplyDeleteHal and Steve will be played by two fat guys smoking cigars.
Fun concept. One of them could be Sydney Greenstreet. If being alive is a requirement, I'd go with Robbie Coltrane or even this prize pants load.
@ BTR....not necessarily so regarding the payment of the remaining contract value:
ReplyDelete"the remaining earnings will be paid as scheduled to either the player's spouse or estate as long as the player's death was not the result of any exclusions listed in the contract."
I would suggest that Hal list tea drinking as one such exclusion.
Thanks LBJ, that's an image I can't unsee. ...and I was eating lunch.
ReplyDeleteshould teach you never to eat lunch again, Roofus
ReplyDeleteHal will collude to spend nothing to improve the team's play and collude to ensure his profits.
ReplyDeleteUnwavering Collusion
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