Mark your calendars, juju enthusiasts. On Dec. 5, the Starr Insurance Yankees - electrified by the Zelus Analytics brand !- will be seeking a 1-in-200 Hail Mary miracle, as the lords of MLB conduct their 2024 draft pick lottery.
Way to tank, Yanks!
So, how lucky do you feel? Have you laundered your best juju shirt? Are your sacred icons arranged properly on the mantle? Is your TV functioning to transmit juju through the Rizzutonic porthole? If not, get your ass in gear, dammit.
The top six picks will be determined through the lottery. Here are the Yankee odds. (Rounded.)
- No. 1: 0.5%
- No. 2: 0.5%
- No. 3: 0.6%
- No. 4: 0.7%
- No. 5: 0.9%
- No. 6: 1.1%
Pretty exciting, right? I bet you thought there was NO CHANCE that the Yankees could qualify for a high pick - (as the Tankathon shows, they're slated to draft 16th.) But now and then, the universe burps. Last December, the Twins moved up from No. 13 to No. 5, so who knows? The Yankees need your magical thinking.
(Note: Under the rules, teams that spend over the luxury tax limit lose 10 slots in the draft. But that does not effect the top 6 lottery. So if the Yankees get lucky and win a top pick, their second rounder would get knocked back by 10.)
(Also, if you're wondering why Washington has no pick, I believe it's because they have received revenue sharing for at least 2 straight years. Such teams are not eligible for the lottery.)
So, what is our 1-in-200 chance?
Well, it's fuckinay slim, okay? Let's not sugarcoat it. It's not the same as you dating Taylor Swift - that's one in a billion - but it's maybe on par with you dating her dental hygienist. Ever hear of the so-called "Storm of the Century?" These days, they seem to occur every year. Well, that's because you are a clod. In fact, quantifying storms over 200 years is pretty difficult.
In their 34-page paper titled "What is one in 200?," submitted to the GIRO 2009 Insurance conference - (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) - a nine-member committee headed by Cameron Heath noted:
In only the past 200 years major events have
included the invention of the car and the aeroplane, manned space flight, the downfall
of empires, the abolition of slavery, the discovery of penicillin, nuclear reactors and
sliced bread…to name but a few. (I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.) For example, could you have imagined the 9/11
World Trade Center (WTC) attacks, as you stood there watching Napoleon strip the
Teutonic Knights of their last holdings in Bad Mergentheim, in 1809?
Frankly, with the right assortment of mushrooms in the field, I could have imagined it, but I doubt those Teutonic Knights had their shit together. So, let's figure that the Yankees have about as much chance at the lottery as the 1809 Bad Mergentheium ballteam had of winning the European world cup.
But but BUT... it's NOT zero chance. Am I right? The Yankees have a fingernail's chance of not falling into the chasm. Start lighting those candles. It's time for the juju gods to make things right again.
So you’re saying there’s a chance?
ReplyDeleteJokes aside, what’s the over under on people claiming it’s rigged if the Yankees actually did hit a lottery pick?
Sly Stone is 80. If that's possible, anything's possible.
ReplyDeleteThose odds are pretty similar to the Yankees chances of making the playoffs next year.
ReplyDeleteWe are drafting 26th. There’s no point in tanking as opposed to say, actually developing a winning team instead of one more concerned with vacuuming every penny from the rubes (myself included) cursed to follow it.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Hal is trying to figure out a way to make this team so bad they wind up qualifying for revenue-sharing money.
ReplyDeleteDick, that would be next level tanking.
ReplyDelete"James Rowson was offered the Yankees’ hitting coach job, The Post has learned.
ReplyDeleteThe sides were just going through final elements Tuesday morning, but the strong expectation was that Rowson would replace Sean Casey, who replaced Dillon Lawson at the All-Star break last season.
Rowson, 47, has just completed his first year as the Tigers assistant hitting coach."
What are the odds he turns it down? He was Mattingly's bench coach in Miami. Meanwhile Marcus Thames is going to the White Sox as their hitting coach.
Of course, we also need a pitching coach badly. Well, the one we have coaches badly, but you know what I mean.
So you're saying there's a chance?
ReplyDeleteDidn't Jimmy Buffet put out a song called "Teutonic Nights"? Or am I confusing that with "Knights in White Satin"? Which is probably why they lost to Shorts.
ReplyDeleteWe all know that this means he wasn't swinging hard enough.
ReplyDeleteBaseball by BSmile
@BSmile
Today In 1951: New York #Yankees catcher Yogi Berra is named the American League MVP! Fun Fact: Yogi hit 27 HRs but struck out only 20 times in 594 plate appearances that season!
Oh my God. RAB is right, we're doomed.
ReplyDeleteRiver Ave. Blues
@RiverAveBlues
lmao they are completely doomed
Quote
Chris Kirschner
@ChrisKirschner
4m
Hal Steinbrenner said Aaron Boone believes bunting is becoming a bigger
part of the game. So the expectation is that will increase.
Thank you Aaron Booooone.
ReplyDeleteWe are all delighted you know what bunting is.
This has got a "championship-caliber" feel to it.
Next thing he'll tell us is that striking out less will mean putting more balls in play.
Or that left-handed hitters may have an advantage in Yankee Stadium.