Rumor: Paul is Dead and Brian Cashman has been replaced.

Paul is dead. We all know he is. Don't think so? Then how do you explain this? 

Plus he's facing the wrong way on the back cover.  What more proof do you need? 

That said, Brian Cashman is no longer running the Yankees. I'm not sure if he has been deposed or is dead and is  now hanging out with the other Paul, Gabe, in where ever GM's go. 

If he is dead,  Cashman's soul is probably caught in some kind of purgatory where big stars choose other franchises and he's forced to overpay for lesser talent. An infinite loop where all of his trades bring back injured players that don't help. 

A place where he doesn't get fired, nor can he quit. Just an endless number of marginally winning seasons ending without a championship. Always derailed by freak injuries and players who never revert to the mean.    

But, whether dead or simply replaced, he is no longer the GM of the Yankees. What proof do I offer? Consider yesterday's "press conference".  

According to the Athletic 

"The New York Yankees general manager spoke with reporters via video conference Thursday afternoon, just an hour after the club introduced starting pitcher Marcus Stroman as its newest signing. But because Cashman was driving, he didn’t appear on video."

He didn't appear on video because his replicant is still healing from his plastic surgery. 

Here is a quote from the call...

“I think our team overall is going to be a constant evolution. We have a very strong team in my opinion, but we always look to improve upon it where we can and when we can." 

Uh, team? When was the last time Brian Cashman used the word team? Isn't it, product? 

 "I think we’re improved, but it doesn’t matter what I think."

It doesn't matter what I think? This from the self proclaimed smartest man in the room? 

And here's the kicker... I got a hold of the audio of the press conference and played it backwards and can swear I heard a message straight from Purgatory... 

"No number 28. No number 29. No number 29. No number 29. No number 29. No number 29. No number 29. No number 29... and "There's-a-hole-in-Left-Field... forever."