I like what they have done to my caah!"
The future Khan - enemy of Kirk - was describing the Chrysler Cordoba, the ultimate driving luxury, with "the finest Corinthian leaaaaather," (Fun fact: It was actually human skin.) the greatest achievement in modern fetish history.
Okay, brace yourself. I'm gonna say something stupid...
I like what they have done to our caah.
Listen: Everything is going the Yankee way. If we puke on the street, it's food for the squirrels. If we pee in the punchbowl, it just adds crunch. In a perfect world, we'd stash some leftover juju meatballs until July, when Cody Poteet is our closer, and we've lost five straight. Unfortunately, karma doesn't work that way. So, let's not pee on the breakfast buffet. Eggs don't need to crunch.
But why, why, why, you ask, is everything working so well? What has transformed last year's sorry squad of Yankee embarrassments into this finely tuned multinational corporation with - for now, anyway - the best record in baseball?
One word: Soto.
Actually, two words: Juan Soto.
Double-actually, Juan Jose Soto Pacheco.
And triple-actually, they are not words, but fukkit, I'm on a roll.
Juan Soto. Guy has altered everything, every Yankee atom, every Yankee quark, every Yankee neck hickey, all the way down to the primeval Yankee ooze in the shower drains. He is what we have not witnessed since Mark Teixeira in 2009 (the last Yankee ring): The slugger who hits for average, and who cannot be pitched around.
Last year, opposing teams pitched around Aaron Judge. Why not? They'd pay no price. Rizzo was out, Giancarlo was worthless, and Gleyber - despite nice final numbers - intimidated nobody. Last year, three deep into our batting order, we were sitting with Billy McKinney, Franchie Cordero, Jake Bauers and Willie Calhoun. Those were the lefty bats who were supposed to balance our lineup. Yikes.
This year, they cannot avoid Soto.
We still don't know what to expect from Rizzo, Stanton, Gleyber and even Anthony Volpe. But we have a hitter, batting second, not far from where Josh "Jackie" Donaldson used to swing.
Damn. I like what they have done to my caah.
Considering how much Soto has helped Cabrera can we just make him
ReplyDeleteHitting coach as well?
Ca$hman is ImPoteet!
ReplyDeleteCaptain D.A. Boone:
ReplyDelete“I don’t believe in a no-lose scenario”
Soto was a great acquisition, worth the cost. There’s really no need to debate the trade cost. This DeSoto is worth it. So yes - let’s enjoy the shiny car while we are still renting it. We do have the option to buy at end of lease. Will we?
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ReplyDeleteHe has to be the biggest pain-in-the-ass in baseball. Makes the pitcher work hard on every single pitch, can't relax, can't make a mistake. He doesn't chase, doesn't get fooled. Fielders can't relax either. He's the most important guy on the barge, straw that stirs the drink. If he could field he'd be Clemente.
Now, does Hal pay him? Soto's a hall of famer, Yankee-for-life type. Soto makes the Yankees relevant, dare say "interesting" again. We'll know by Christmas how all-in Hal is.
El Duque, it funny that you should mention that old car commercial with Ricardo Montalban in the Cordoba because I was in a similar one as a newborn. My parents were too cheap to pay for a mohel to perform a circumcision so they hooked up with the Chrysler Car Company.
ReplyDeleteAm I fibbing? Just watch below:
https://fb.watch/rrIU-Wub44/
it's funny*
ReplyDeleteCarl, I haven't seen that since it first aired, I think. When the original cast was good, they were fantastic.
ReplyDeleteIf Soto keeps this up and we win something worth winning, how does Hal not sign him for all the gold in Aqaba? (Don't believe Anthony Quinn when he says there's no gold there.) Soto and Judge, one decidedly younger than the other, could be our modern Ruth and Gehrig (though nobody will ever be Ruth and Gehrig). Judge fades as he ages, but Soto is still in his prime--what a great scenario. Then five, six years from now, you go after the next young, massive talent. Who knows? Maybe he emerges from our minor league teams. (A guy can dream...)
But, that's all depending on what happens the rest of this season. This sure is fun so far.
JM, we already have the next, young massive talent. Two of them, in fact. The Martian, who is re-habbing from elbow surgery. And Spencer Jones, who has been banished to the other side of the looking glass. Why isn't Jones up here, being developed? Instead, we have to put up with the 0 for performances of Trent Grisham and Mr. Blind Man.
ReplyDeleteCarl, I never saw that commercial before. Was that car a Monte Carlo? We used to call that thing a "Guido-mobile". (Apologies to my Italian friends - no offense intended.) Anyways, that's the way I usually drive! Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDelete@ Duque, Actually, there's no such thing as "rich, Co-rinthian leathaah". I heard they made it up for the commercial.
ReplyDeleteI've become kind of a leather goods connoisseur of late, buying belts and leather jackets. Learned that only "full grain leather" is really good, followed a bit distantly by "top grain leather". Everything else is just leather scrap and maybe even garbage glued and sewn together to make so-called "genuine leather" and "bonded leather".
Not sure what the hell Corinthian leather was, at best it was "genuine" leather. Then and now, am pretty sure all of the so-called leather used in vehicles is actually low grade, partially man-made stuff. But I get a kick out of hearing Ricardo Montalban say "rich, Co-rinthian leathaah". Almost makes you wanna run out and get some!
Hammer, you're right. The Martian and Spencer (played onscreen by Ray Walston and Bill Bixby) do look like our next generational talents. My God, if Ja'ss'on and Jones turn out anywhere near what we hope, and we make Soto a Yankee for life...the mind boggles.
ReplyDeleteOf course, those two kids will likely be the excuse Hal and his hollow-eyed minion use to justify why we didn't need to spend bigly and keep Soto. Watch.
Grisham has always been a good fielder, but not such a great hitter. Why do we play him? Because he's seasoned. He has big league experience. He's a known quantity, like diarrhea. But most of all, because the Brain got him and has to show how smart he was to do it. His ego has hurt the Yankees time and again. (Hiya, Josh.)
To be fair, looking at his career, Trent is not a completely worthless hitter. Say, like Trevino now is. And Grisham's defense hasn't deteriorated. Say, like Trevino's has. Which is why The Martian will be kept maybe a little over-long in his post-surgery minor league stint.
A lot is up in the air and has to play out over the next months. And, after all, you can't predict baseball. You can only cross yer fingers.
HOG, Jones is on the IL with an undefined neck injury.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I have a brilliant sister-in-law who is from Corinthia, in Austria. Neither she nor my Salzburgian brother-in-law have ever heard of Corinthian leather. I showed them the original commercial. They thought it was pretty funny.
ReplyDeleteBTR, you can't predict baseball injuries.
ReplyDeleteI keep forgetting to mention--watching the games yesterday was a pleasure. No braying Kay, no goofy O'Neill (when he sticks to the game, he's not bad, but he doesn't stick to the game enough for me). Refreshing and listenable.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad Paul O'Neill doesn't stay more business-like. He knows a helluva lot, obviously, with all those championship rings. The Mutts broadcast is so business-like. Keith Hernandez and Ron Darling are excellent. I was thinking the other day that the tone of the two broadcast teams are kind of reversed - wouldn't you have expected the Mutts to have a comedy team cracking lame jokes and the New York Yankees to have a crackerjack all business professional military style team?
ReplyDelete@ BTR999, Yes, but I thought Suzyn said that he's back now and had a two hit day. Or maybe I misheard and she was talking about somebody else?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Jones has been ready for awhile now. He was ready last year. They should've brought him up last year, for at least the second half. He'd already have a half season of major league experience. They pissed away last year for nothing. They weren't winning anything but they didn't develop anyone either. They brought up The Martian and Austin Wells too late to find out anything. In a lost cause season. Terrible. Terrible.
Carl,
ReplyDeleteYou were lucky. I had a fraternity brother whose family was even cheaper. They rented an AMC pacer. His name was Shorty Milner.
Umm ''Duque? Your pee crunches? That's not supposed to be like that. Are you passing kidney stones? AND HOW MANY!!?? 'DUQUE!!! SEE A DOCTOR!!!
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