Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Yes, shipoopi, there's trouble in River City.

 

For at least five minutes every season, Brian Cashman turns into Prof. Harold Hill, and manages to convince all of us that, somehow, his latest Yankees' confabulation is for real.

Sometimes, the illusion can last for months. In 2022, the Yanks actually seemed to be playing at levels not seen in almost 25 years in the Bronx. At least, that was, until Mr. Cashman outdid himself in blowing up  his own creation, with maybe the worse mid-season deals ever wreaked upon a team, a first-rate starter and a bundle of young arms packaged for a menage of obviously injured players.

This year, I admit that even I fell for it, for about those five minutes. 

Back when the Yanks were 12-3, and just one out away from sweeping the Guardians, I found myself pulled inexorably into Cashie Think:

They're THIS GOOD and Cole hasn't thrown a pitch...They're this good, and Judge has yet to get going, and Rizzo, and Torres, and maybe Stanton isn't done after all and at least Vertigo can play the field...They're this good and JUAN FREAKIN' SOTO!!!

Then, as always, reality rears its ugly head. That seedy barbell salesman shows up to give us the real scoop, this year in the form of the BJ's and Athletics.

Truth is, the hot start this year was just one more example of the hysteria that can be spread by Prof. Brian Cashman's Think Wish Method. With 1/7th of the season gone by now, the reality sets in that nobody just "needs to get going" on the Yankees. They've already gone.

Let's face it:

—Judge is injured and old.

—Rizzo is injured and old.

—Stanton is slim, trim, and irredeemably old.

—Vertigo is the same slag heap of mediocrity he was in Fenway.

—Gleyber is young, but getting old before his time. (Apologies to Joe Jackson.)

—Cole isn't coming back any time soon.

It's only a matter of weeks before the pathetically underarmed pitching staff starts to break down as well, probably beginning in the bullpen. 

There's no help on the way. No shipment of snazzy band uniforms is going to make us all believe that this team can play. Hell, MLB can barely provide any serviceable unis at all and in any case—and even if they did, Yanks would just slap another advertising patch on them. 

As the goose eggs pile up, it's time we admitted it: we got Trouble in (Bronx) River City, and that starts with T and that rhymes with C, and that stands for Cashman!

Oh, we got trouble, my friends...





7 comments:

  1. Always thought Sears was going to be a good pitcher. Revenge of J.P. Sears. Hell, he looks just as good as Rodon! If only we'd held on to him, HAL might've saved a ton of money. Tut, Tut!

    'Course, that was against the Yankees, whose middle of the lineup is straight out of "Night of the Living Dead" so Sears fans should temper their enthusiasm.

    Hoss, I don't know that we wuz fooled this year. Fully expected a lousy year. Wuz just waitin' for 'em to come back down to earth. And, wow, are they ever comin' back down to earth!

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  2. Yeah, baseball is lousy with hope. And I have to admit, I felt a twinge or two there, despite myself. I think it was the infectious play of Soto—soon to be headed for Flushing—and the logic that "Well, none of these other guys have started to hit yet!"

    And most likely, they never will.

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  3. Soon to be President-elect Stang picked this 2024 team to win something like 120 games.

    Soon we’ll all be, uh - crying in our salsa.

    Great post Hoss

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  4. Thanks, AA! At least it's looking like an interesting playoff season in NYC. I can't bear to watch this baseball like it oughtn't to be.

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  5. Good post Horace. Goo comparison. There is trouble in River City. Same old non existent Yankees' lineup. I will repeat what I have added to your blog, as long as Genius Cashman is in charge, the Yankees will not win a World Series and probably not get to one.

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  6. Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with C and that stands for Cashman

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  7. Oh, well, less than five games. He should be in tip-top shape after that!

    Bryan Hoch ⚾️
    @BryanHoch
    ·
    11m
    LeMahieu has said that he expects to play “less than five” games in the Minors before being activated. Somerset visits Reading tonight.

    ReplyDelete

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