Tuesday, April 23, 2024

EL DUQUE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT

 LAST NIGHT, EL DUQUE HAD THE GALL TO PUBLICLY BLAME ME FOR THE LOSS TO OAKLAND, JUST BECAUSE I CALLED THEM TOMATO CANS, WHICH THEY ARE AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT! IN THE INKY RECESSES OF HIS BRONZE-AGE MIND, I WAS THE CAUSE OF THE SHAME, NOT THE PLAYERS WHO WERE ACTUALLY IN THE GAME!

NEXT MONTH THIS BLOG WILL ENTER ITS 18TH YEAR, AND HE HAS BEEN HARPING THAT WHOLE GODDAM TIME ABOUT JUJU, HIS FEARFUL, IGNORANT, SUPERSTITIOUS APPROACH TO THE GAME OF BASEBALL, WHICH I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF!

WHAT DO YOU CALL BLOGGING THE SAME THING EVERY DAY AND EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT? 

INSANITY!

WHERE HAS JUJU GOTTEN US FOR THE LAST FIFTEEN YEARS? 

NOWHERE!

WHAT HAS JUJU GOTTEN US FOR THE LAST FIFTEEN YEARS? 

NOTHING!

OH, WAIT. WE HAVE GOTTEN SOMETHING. 

OLDER!

TELL ME, YANKEE FAN, WAS IT YOUR GOAL LAST YEAR TO WIN 82 GAMES? 

CONGRATULATIONS! JUJU WORKED!

IS IT YOUR GOAL THIS YEAR TO WATCH AARON JUDGE SWING AWAY AT EMPTY AIR? 

CONGRATULATIONS! JUJU IS WORKING!

IS IT YOUR GOAL EVERY YEAR TO WATCH OUR BEST PLAYERS GET CARRIED OFF THE FIELD AND STUFFED INTO AMBULANCES? 

CONGRATULATIONS! JUJU ALWAYS WORKS!

BUT WHAT IF YOU WANT TO WIN A WORLD SERIES? HOW'S THE OL' JUJU WORKIN' OUT THERE, CHIEF? 

ENOUGH!

IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE! FOR A NEW ERA! A NEW APPROACH!

IT'S TIME FOR SCIENTIFIC BASEBALL!

UP WITH PHYSICS, DOWN WITH FEAR!

UP WITH PLAYERS, DOWN WITH GODS!

UP WITH SANITY!

DOWN WITH DUQUE!



23 comments:

  1. Stang, sounds like you take umbrage at Duque's interpretation of juju.

    In the immortal words of The Master, if we can affect baseball by talking about it or by not talking about it, we want a piece of the pie. We must be paid, big time. Starting right now with the champagne. Where's that waiter? Garcon!

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  2. Brilliant, Stang! I'm on board.

    Much like that former Yankee executive, George Costanza, it's time that we did the exact opposite of what isn't working.

    I say, let's spit in the eye of the juju entities! I say, we openly defy them, and say that we expect great things!

    And that way, when we don't get them, we'll, uh...well, something!

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  3. Haiku Tuesday - There's No Fighting in Here - This Is the War Room! Edition

    Hey Who Cut The Cheese

    So Thick I may - start to Wheeze

    My Eyes are Burning



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  4. Dissension in the ranks!

    And I thought things couldn’t get any worse

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  5. On the other hand, Stang has a point. It was El Duque who crowed about how healthy the Yankees were in spring training.

    That turned out well.

    Between science (our crack analytics department) and the superstitious fearing the baseball gods) something has to give.

    Human sacrifice. It’s the only cure for this tearing and rending, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

    We must have blood (or tomato juice).

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  6. Hey Stang...why are you SHOUTING?

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  7. LOUDER, RANGER, I DON'T THINK HE CAN HEAR YOU!!!

    We seem to have some good pitchers in Warren and Poteet. Another couple couple of good performances from them and they should be brought up, and we should jettison Santana (for sure) and send Ferguson down to Scranton to work on himself. I don't know if that's possible, though, according to the rules. But it's what should happen.

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  8. And remember!
    "LeMahieu has said that he expects to play “less than five” games in the Minors before being activated."

    We're saved!!!

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  9. I agree, JM. But the amazing things is...WE STILL CAN'T HIT.

    Or...I guess it's not so amazing, now that our whole lineup consists of the old and ailing.

    I admit, I was very pleased when we got Stanton (though I thought we should have signed J.D. Martinez, too), and I thought we had to re-sign LeMahieu and Judge, too (basically because we had not choice).

    But if we hadn't done those things, what? Since Cashman has demonstrated again and again that he can't build a first-rate farm system.

    Why, it looks as if we're stuck back in...THE CASHMAN CONUNDRUM!

    (Hmm, I think we're closing in on the proper choice for that human sacrifice...)

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  10. JM - or Judge is saved as his foot will have it’s bestie back in the clubhouse within a week


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  11. RANGER, I'M SHOUTING BECAUSE HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY!

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  12. I don't remember seeing Arnold raise his voice like that.

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  13. Listen motherfuckers! The juju gods and our enemies want us divided. Do not give in. Let us not turn on each other. The only culprit in this world right now is Yankee management. We know how little power we have as puny humans. Whether we invoke the “gods” or not, it’s really about having a grizzled old baseball fucker up there to call the shots, in the front office and in the dugout. And it doesn’t hurt to have a manager who’s not a piece of shit who is spoiled and doesn’t care about baseball, whose daddy destroyed the idea of baseball for him. don’t let the bastards divide us!

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  14. We're not handling Sterling's retirement well, are we?

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  15. Remember, those whom the gods would destroy, first they make mad.

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  16. How about a compromise?

    Since it's Passover why don't we pass over the ju-ju(s) for now.

    It worked once before and, in about, say forty years, the team can enter the promised land.

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