(Beep beep.)
Okay, twice for yes, once for no. Okay?
(Beep beep.)
Hey, um... you're looking great! The skin grafts are holding. I can make out a nose, I think that's a nose? Yeah, much improved. You're feeling good in there, am I right?
(Beep.)
Uh-huh, well, keep it up.
(Beep.)
Uh-huh. Well... look, soon, this will be over.
(Beep beep.)
No, not you. I'm talking about the race for the AL East.
(Beep beep.)
Soon, Baltimore will pull 5 to 10 games ahead of us. Then, around Aug. 1, they'll trade surplus prospects for whatever they need - probably pitching, pitching, pitching... right?
(Beep beep.)
By then, Boston and/or Minnesota will have bypassed us in the wild card chase, with our old friends, Houston, the cheaters, closing the gap.
(Beep beep.)
By July 31, we will be looking for a closer, a hitter, bullpen arms - whatever we can squeeze from the farm. There's always hope, am I right?
(Beep.)
Look, you gotta stay upbeat, right?
(Beep.)
I hear Brian Cashman is in Tampa to address the troops. He knows what to do.
(Beep.)
When I think of Cashman, I imagine Richard Dreyfus in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, reshaping the Yankees like a big glob of mashed potato into Devil Tower, Wyoming. A dab here, a dollop there and VIOLA! a new team! Right?
(Beeeeeep.)
Hey, hold on. It is the 10th of July, and yeah, I guess we're dead in the water - bad choice of words. But when the Rays scores four in the first, like last night, you might as well turn off the game and go drinking.
(Beeeeeeeeeep.)
Damn. Didn't mean to wind you up, but, you know, we've seen this tired crapola now for 15 years - same architects, same plan, same result. Nothing like when you owned the team. I mean, will anything ever change?
Hello? (Tap tap.) George, can you hear me? Sir, are you there?
Well played…beep, beep!
ReplyDeleteAdditional thought…since I no longer look to the NYY for fun times, quality baseball and dominance, I quite enjoy this slowly unraveling of the sweater pull we got going on. With such a linear plot line, one needs to savor each little vignette of sadness.
ReplyDelete“My deadline plans are to see if we can run into as much that can improve our team as possible,” Cashman said. “You’re always evaluating what you’re watching and staying in touch with our manager, our coaching staff, as well as our scouts about what this team’s strengths and weaknesses happen to be. You’re always wanting to keep your strengths your strengths and improve your weaknesses. When you’re at the deadline, see if you can do the best we can on that and shore it up and take your final best shot.”
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly does it mean to improve your weaknesses?
By my estimation, the team is plenty weak right now….so was this an epic slip up by the intern?
We keep our strengths and improve on our weaknesses.
There then is the Hal and Cash plan.
Better our historic bad play by trading/bringing in players capable of even worse play.
Wonderful.
(Great open, El D)
Look at the bright side of life.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the intern was summoned so that he may be fired.
Hey, I can dream, can't I?
Even Cashman seemed a little shell-shocked yesterday..
ReplyDeleteThe best and boldest move would be to become sellers at the deadline. We should be willing to listen to offers about anyone. And I mean ANYONE.
ReplyDelete@acrilly...
I started watching last night's game and made it through the bottom of the first (was there any reason to go on?) and as the Princess was in the process of positioning the rotting Yankees corpse behind the eight ball I realized I was enjoying the sadness.
winning - fun!
.500 - boring
losing - savor the hatred
@ Mildred Lopez….Hahahahahaa…remember, even in death there is light, Grasshopper.
ReplyDeleteBeep beep.
ReplyDeleteBuddy, how do I get this thing out of second gear?
Back when I was teaching, I had a rule for myself. If one kid got it wrong, it was their fault. If everyone got it wrong, it was my fault. When I witness the systemic disintegration of the Yankees, pitching, fielding hitting, I see the failure of everyone responsible for this mess.
ReplyDeleteThat Judge keeps plowing forward, with his own special batting instructor, is well noted. The one guy who hasn't joined the implosion is the guy with his own hitting coach. Hmmmmm.......
But, hey, here comes Brian to save the day! Wearing his dumpster-diving overalls and ready to sell the farm for some lucky GM's broken parts.
Geee, I thought for awhile that Captain Pike had joined the team. Beep!
ReplyDelete