Sunday, August 18, 2024

In a month of tomato cans, the Yankees turn into Chef Boyardee

Damn. August was gonna be our Cupcake Christmas. We had the Blue Jays, Angels, Rangers, White Sox - now the Tigers - our skip along the merry tomato can path, when we would happily pull away in the AL East.

Record in August: 8-6.

Amazingly, we have bypassed Baltimore, held off Boston and now possess the best record in the AL. Really, how dare we complain?  

Record in the last 10 games: 5-5.

The great American educator, Dean Wormer, once told us, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." Wise words. That said, here we are, floundering in a .500 mediocrity, battling to hold our own against teams that are positioning themselves for a run in 2025, at the earliest. 

Next up, Cleveland, Colorado, Washington and St. Louis. I could list the rest - honestly, it's rather lame - but all will surely boil down to a three-game series in NY beginning Sept 24 against the O's.

Barring a complete meltdown - always a possibility, when two hitters basically comprise your offense - the Death Barge will reach the 2024 postseason. If Aaron Judge and Juan Soto stay healthy, we'll have a puncher's chance, no matter who is pitching and who we they play. 

The path to a world series is actually rather simple. Wrap Judge and Soto in plastic bubbles, keep running Gerrit Cole out there, find somebody who can close, and keep gaslighting the world about hitters "swinging  the bat good" and coming out of slumps.

Yesterday, well, we sank without a bubble. Shutouts happen. Today, in one of those showcase pinball games, we'll attend the Little League World Series, though the game will - hopefully - be rained out. (I worry about these boutique games, where fields might not be up to MLB standards. They can be be ripe for injuries.) 

We have faced the tomato cans, with mixed results. It's probably too soon to worry about Houston, 9-1 in recent weeks. But here we are - fat, drunk and stupid, and sitting atop the AL East. A winning streak sure would be nice...

13 comments:

  1. If only Senator Blutarsky were the Yankees General Manager.

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  2. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

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  3. Sevvy threw a complete game shutout for the Mets. The White Sox took De Los Santos, another genius trade by Cashfart, from waivers. He will doubtless become an All Star next year.

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  4. “I just didn't have that A-plus stuff, and I was trying to go out there and compete,” Rodón said. “I need to be better than that.”

    No fucking kidding.

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    1. He often doesn't have A plus stuff, unless someone changes the second O in his last name to an A in a photo-illustration. How's your Wife feeling JM, is she doing better?

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  5. From MLB.COM: “The ballpark, which opened in 1926, was renovated prior to the inaugural MLB Little League Classic in 2017 to meet MLB standards”.

    MLB wouldn’t lie to us, would they?

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    1. Perish the thought, BTR. Now all we need to do is renovate Rodon and Stroman and Cortes to meet MLB standards. Not holding my breath on that.

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  6. Thanks for asking, AA. Yes, she's feeling a lot better. We were able to get back on Friday. Lot of empty seats on the plane, especially in Business Class and Econ Plus. Delta must have lost money on that run.

    Tomorrow, though, she has a scan and full blood workup. Hopefully everything will be okay and the Big C will have fucked off for a time.

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    1. You have my best wishes. That and maybe $5.00 will get you a cup of coffee at Porto Rico Importing Company (both I am told go a long way)

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  7. Best wishes for you and your wife JM

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  8. I concur with positive thoughts for the JM's.

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