Yankees doing their best to defuse the Torpedo Bats controversy, and other horror show thoughts

Miserable night. Miserable game. Miserable team... Miserable year?

Today, that's the question, after the Yankees last night begot one of their most inept and painful performances in this millennium. 

They were basted and cooked before their starter's 33-pitch, which recorded his first out. (Fun Fact: After the game, Marcus Stroman had x-rays on his knee.) They went on to score once in a game where their star player was the rain, which saved their bullpen from a nine-inning grind.

I could go on. I could yell. There's something soothing about kicking a corpse and knowing that, whomever it was, they don't feel a thing. We can rip this team and its mad scientist creator, the Steinbrennerian savant, Cooperstown Cashman. It does no good. We're like congressional Democrats. Nothing we say matters. They're going to do whatever they're going to do. On that note...

1. Technically, we're still in the April Over-Reaction Phase, which MGR Boone has urged us to disregard. He should go on YES - the Yankee TruthSocial - and say, "Be cool." Yes, it's merely April. But the cracks that have emerged on this roster are hard to ignore. This is not cleavage, people. It's a rapidly widening chasm. Our starting rotation is shot, we're not hitting a lick, and our closer is getting raked. Remember the controversy over torpedo bats? Was that this year? Right now, unless Aaron Judge belts three HRs per game - which seems to be what it takes - this team is about to hit serious turbulence, aka the American League. 

2. Again, recognizing that Over-Reactions don't help, it's worth wondering if 2025 might be a complete wipeout - one of those years when everything goes bad and Boston eats our lunch. Come August 1, at the trade deadline, there might not be enough bloated contracts on enough underperforming teams to bring what the Yankees will need to contend - once again, by draining blood from their farm system. 

Maybe, just maybe, it'll be time to trade the vets. 

3. Folks keep gushing about how the return of Giancarlo Stanton could help this team, if and when he returns. Yes, we desperately need a RH slugger. But a rather sticky question remains: Can he run? 

Last fall, he couldn't. It's one thing to limp through a seven-game series. But you can't go a season by hitting singles off the wall. Can Stanton sprint, or is he in perpetual YES-Mo? If he cannot run, why are we even having this conversation?

Last night brought one of the great modern Yankee horror shows. 

This doesn't look like a team in a slump. It looks like a bad team.