Friday, October 30, 2009

John unleashes tape-measure Game 2 Warble, rivaling Springsteenian "Jungle Land" climax, hitting WinGasm territory

He's waited six years to uncork the fireplug in his lungs and spray the kind of WinGasm intensity that sends singers to the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame, and I don't mean you, Joni Mitchell! This aint no Circle Game, no wheels goin' round-in-round -- THIS IS REAL, HONEY, THIS IS RAWTONE LARNYX-LOUD-LIFTING!

If anybody out there thinks Joe Buck and Tim McCarver collectively could hit a 7.27-second a WinWarble -- I'm talking if they tried a tag-team warble, slapping butts and trading off, even using a 50-volt cattle prod, and they'd still be lucky to nail a 6.50; that's announcing? Hell, Harry Kalas' empty suit in the Phillies dugout could blow a 5.00! -- then douse your Fergie records and pull out that boney Canadian chick, Celine Whatever, the one they describe as "handsome," belting out the final distress mayday ending to "Theme From Titanic." Because that's the kind of bowel-movement-inducing climax we're hearing from the Voice of the Yankees, driven by Jesus! LAY DOWN ON THE FLOOR, CLASP YOUR HANDS TIGHT AND TURN THIS MUTHEREFFER UP.

SEVEN POINT TWO SEVEN SECONDS: 7.27


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3 comments:

  1. dadlakOctober 30, 2009 at 9:05 AM

    Whatever...I guess John is saving his record-setting warble for a series-clinching win. If that happens, the warble will be enhanced by "World Series over" or somesuch.

    I expected more on a "must win" win, saved by Mo on a strikeout (and driven by Jeep).

    I challenge John to obliterate the 8.02 second record on the next Yankee win, if there is one, and to reset the record with each successive Yankee win (same caveat). That's what a legend does.

    ReplyDelete
  2. el duqueOctober 30, 2009 at 9:18 AM

    Indeed.

    For a Yankee, anything less than a World Series ring is a lost year.

    And for the Voice of the Yankees, anything less than an 8.02 warble -- non-enhanced -- is a lost gust of wind.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alph on the warbleOctober 30, 2009 at 10:40 AM

    It was kind of disappointing, really.

    I find it hard to believe it even went 7.27 seconds.

    Are you certain you didn't " stretch the warble " just a little bit in an effort to stir up our confidence?

    Were the electronic readings audited and verified prior to posting?

    Frankly, it just seemed a little lame.

    ReplyDelete

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