TONIGHT, TONIGHT, TONIGHT: CALLING OUT AROUND THE WORLD... IT IS TIME FOR A YANKEE JUJU INTERVENTION.

Mrs. Peel, we're needed. When you lose 2 out of 3 to the Redsocks, when your team is spooked by lightning, when your catcher seems to be channeling  Robert De Niro in "Bang the Drum Slowly," well, Yankiverse, it's time to get off your butt.

So, tonight, let's unwrap this dirty boy and let him run.

WE ARE DECLARING DEFCON 5... AN INTERNATIONAL JUJU INTERVENTION (IJI)... TONIGHT.

THIS WILL OCCUR IN THE THIRD INNING OF THE GAME BETWEEN THE CLEVELAND INDIANS AND NEW YORK YANKEES.

AS THE FIRST YANKEE BATTER COMES TO THE PLATE, YANKEE FANS ACROSS THE GLOBE ARE INSTRUCTED TO  "CHARGE THE MOUND," (See instructional video below.)  

You must stand directly before your TV, radio or electronic monitoring device - (not the court-ordered one on your ankle, the one you use to access IT IS HIGH).  You must stare into the screen as harshly as your eyes allow, and you must channel all the Rizzutonic energy - (aka Higgs Boston particles) - from your oblongata - (Look, I don't want to get technical here, because you'll need a doctorate, let's just keep it simple) - into the worldwide Yankee fan torrent, which is considered to be the Tupelo honey of game-changing, global Juju ejaculate.

Keep in mind, this will NOT necessarily mean the first Yankee batter in the third inning hits a homer. These are delayed reactions. But last year, three International Juju Interventions saved the season. After the first IJI in May, the Yankees went 20-4. You can look this up.

I am not kidding. Our season changed. The second IJI produced a 10-3 record. The third IJI, in October, beat Baltimore. Unfortunately, it completely drained our fuel rods, and we had none left against Detroit. We have resisted going to the well this year, fearful of depleting our reserves, but the time has come for action.

Friends, neighbors, Yankeefans, I realize this is a leap of faith and betrayal of all religious and rational instincts.  I recognize that for many of you, the universe is run by the vengeful God of the Old Testament or the cold, dead randomness of subatomic particles - and neither is going to bestow you unto an eternal heaven. So here comes a false Yankee reality blog, requesting you to give energy and faith on behalf of players who, frankly, piss us off. Does Phil Hughes rightfully deserve our time? I can't answer that question, and neither could Jean Paul Sarte. But I can tell you this: He would be in front of his TV tonight. And you must, as well.

But we cannot sit around as Yankee fans and let the legacy of Yogi and Thurman collapse into a pile of Lenn Sakatas, right in front of us.
Toight, prepare to attack your TV. (Dammit, I'm so excited, I misspelled "tonight.) Tonight, we change the season. Tonight, the collective power of the Yankiverse will intervene and save this team.

Chain yourself to the TV. Tonight, tonight, tonight... everything changes.