Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Calling all ships at sea: A loss tonight, and we go to Juju Defcon 5, with an International Juju Intervention imminent

The last International Juju Intervention - conducted May 21 - launched a 20-4 streak that catapulted the Yankees into first. We had hoped to use the force sparingly - in essence, to save it for the playoffs.

Well, comrades, there might not be any playoffs.

We are stuck in a jujuless pit. Every week, somebody gets hurt. Cano looks lost. Granderson can't even catch flies. Nobody moves runners. We make late comebacks, then lose. Our defense is horrible. The bottom third of our order looks anemic. Our bullpen can't hold anybody. Andy isn't even healing. We are lost in a freefall. We are down to watching Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly sit in the stands like lumps of coal.

Keep your ears to the radio. Listen for a coded cue. The Master will tell us -- in his own way - that the Yankee lead is no longer safe and secure. This covert message - which may or may not be heard on public radio band frequencies - will trigger a secret call for an

INTERNATIONAL JUJU INTERVENTION.

Across the planet, thousands, millions, hundreds of millions of Yankee fans will take part in a mass juju action known as "charging the mound." The move requires hand-eye coordination, near superhuman agility, Yankee broadcast hookup and - most of all - a dynamic sense of purpose.



Listen: This is based on solid anecdotal science. We're not boiling up dead chipmunks here. We're not waving magnets at the moon. This stuff works. And if any of you think we should hold our cards until October - well, Neville Chamberlain - you might as well sit on your crapper and watch beach volleyball. We cannot wait anymore.

A loss tonight, and we must take action.

Keep your eyes to the TV and glue your ears to the AM radio band, secret juju commandos. Keep alert to this blog. We are at Juju Defcom 5. If we lose tonight, an International Juju Intervention could be called at any time. We are under attack. But we will not lie down.

4 comments:

John M said...

I do believe, I do believe...oh, I believe.

Seemed more appropriate to say than 'Oil can.'

Tex Message said...

Is there an alternate move if we cannot access a TV at the time of said intervention? Or is looking at the game a necessary and implicit component of juju?

BernBabyBern said...

Jeez, Duque, do you want to blow all our juju before August even starts?? Don't manage the juju like Torre managed Scott Proctor!!!

Samy Dangerfield said...

Every time you get cocky with your Juju you throw a massive hex on us.

I preach abstinence until the games are meaningful.

Minor day-to-day Juju routines are acceptable, but don't shoot our big load.