10 Reasons Joe Paterno still makes it into heaven

1.   Never indicted. (Yeah, the bar's been lowered.)

2.   Recommendation from Franco Harris (whom God obviously likes.)

3.   Was always polite (at least on TV.)

4.   Was screwed out of 1968 National Championship. (Bear Bryant now coaching Hell.)

5.   Prayed each day (and meant it.)

6.   Tipped big in diners (and meant it.)

7.   Great hair. (OK, the bar is really low.)

8.   Respected the law (though didn't always mean it.)

9.   Strong recruiter. (Heaven needs linebackers.)

10. God tired of losing with Knute Rockne (and hearing that speech.)