BUY MY BOOK: BARD OF THE DEAL: THE POETRY OF DONALD TRUMP
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Posted by el duque at 7:47 AM
Odds are, he won't hit two. But let's face it, a little wind, a little momentum from a Yankee Stadium crowd, the right pitch... and Ichiro will smack one.
That gives the legendary radio voice of the New York Yankees one shot at permanently Sterlingizing the future Hall of Famer. One call. The opportunity may never come again.
One moment for the ages.
I believe as practicing denizens of the Yankiverse, having sworn to The Code of Yankee Allegiance, we must all do our best to help The Master create and engineer that call.
(Disclaimer: I am not worthy. None of us are. The fact is, no one person out there in the vast Yankiverse can truly channel John Sterling and come up with the perfect Ichiro call. But perhaps if we work as a hive, as a collective mind, similar to the alien-diseased townfolks of Haven in Stephen King's book "The Tommyknockers," we can conceive of such a call. These are my best efforts. None of them are worthy. Let it be known that the denizens of this blog, in John's greatest hour of creative need, gave all they had... even if the end result only showed our inability to produce.)
Remember, the call needs two parts. The tongue-buckler, and then the rejoicement. The tongue-buckler brings the absolute news that the ball has cleared the seats. The rejoicement applies proper context and emotional uplift to the moment. Each are critical. Oh, dammit, why am I explaining all this to you. Nobody needs to hear this analysis. What we need is a goddamm decent call!
Here are my best tongue-bucklers.
IT'S A PEACH... FROM EEECH!
IT'S A BAM, FROM THE MAN FROM JAPAN!
HOME RUN, FROM THE MIDNIGHT SUN!
Now, the rejoicements.
ICHIRO SHOWS REACH-IRO.
OHH, THAT SUZUKI IS MOTORING DOWN THE ROAD!
ICHIRO, WAY TO GO!
Alas... none of these measure up. I have failed The Master in his hour of need. But what of you, fellow Yankiversites? Does someone out there hold the Magic Key to John's salvation?
We need ideas, dammit. We need them now.