Friday, July 6, 2012
Posted by Alphonso at 1:07 PM
This is the true story that El Duque buried in obfuscation the other day, and structured with a lack of credibility and oversimplification.
He has abridged a duty of journalism. More importantly, he has brought into question the efficacy of his long-term contract and high -end expense with respect to the responsibilities of prudent Ju-Ju resource management and unquestioned integrity.
I offer this column today in order to potentially save us a loss tonight in Boston. Truthfully, it might already be too late.
Alphonso arrives at a secret location in upstate New York on Monday afternoon, and promptly has a beer with El Duque.
Fast-forward; Duque claims he can make the ultimate hot dog and proceeds to spiral ( see photo ) and grill four. That night, the Yanks lose a heartbreaker 4-3 as Tex gives the game away with his first error of the year.
Next day - Alph , Duque and several other " named Yankees" of this blog, retire to a lakeside location for a traditional barbeque and independence day fireworks ( yes, on the 3rd ). Duque takes charge of one grill, and begins "spiraling" hot dogs ( including Hoffman's finest ) despite an absolute dearth of requests for said format. Yanks lose 7-4 and make 3 errors.
Following morning: Alph awakens and recalls the vision which woke him. He heads over to Duque's turf and tells him, " I know why the Yankees are losing. It is those damn spiral hot dogs!"
El Duque skoffs and they argue the point all day. In the end, Duque agrees not to spiral any hot dogs that day if I ( Alphonso ) will guarantee the Yankee win ( and breaking of the 0-9 streak the team has amassed down in Tampa ).
The drama ; The yanks are down 3-1 after seven innings. John and Suzyn re-emphasize the fact the Yankees are down to their last 6 outs. Alphonso ( I ) suddenly realize that no one is cooking hot dogs today. Steamed clams, chicken, steak, corn, but no friggin hot dogs.
A side note of emphasis : This little bit of Ju-Ju cannot work unless it is real. We have to have hot dogs on the grill. After all, one cannot test the efficacy of something that doesn't happen. Right?
And not one of the hot dogs can be touched with a spiraling blade (or thought). And they have to be eaten, of course.
Short-story: the dogs ( Hoffman ) got grilled normally and were in the process of being
consumed ( another mandatory of this Ju-Ju application) by several Yankee insiders ( including Duque by rule, and me by pleasure ) as the eigth inning neared its critical point.
Result of Ju-Ju insight and implementation; Yanks come back to win 4-3.
And that's the story. Not the, " let's all go eat a hot dog," story previously published by El Duque. That was lame, and lazy, and simply wrong.
Note to Counsel: Any questions or need for eye witness verification can be referred to Mustang.
Moral: No Yankee fan should spiral a dog today or any other time until the Yankees lose a game. Today, it is better to stay away from the hot dog category completely as you exercise menu planning. This way, even the mental image, or accidental use of the word, is less likely to occur.