1. Replace Evan Longoria with Eva Longoria.
2. Shoot the Teenager Night
3. Seventh-inning rooster fights.
4. Build entirely new $500 million stadium.
5. Replace BJ Upton with Kate Upton.
6. Toothbrush Night.
7. Install gates around outer neighborhood.
8. Replace James Shields with Brooke Shields.
9. After Ray home run, have giant statue of Virgin Mary cry tears.
10. Switch games to George Steinbrenner Field, home of the Tampa Yankees.