TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFFFFFFF!
I spent the last four months assuming this was the Yankees' year, and that the overwhelming talent in our lineup was unmatched, at least in the AL East. Now, I wuz duped. Now, wherever I look, I see 1978... in reverse.
I see reigning world champions, after a spring from hell, staring up at a 10-game deficit and going to work. I see them secure in the knowledge that they have the better team, and I see the Yankees - from top to bottom of their organization - going into a barnyard panic.
TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFFFFFFFF!
Let's face it: Boston has the superior rotation, by a mile. Right now, the Yankees have no one capable of pitching six innings, and the notion that Luis Severino will save us belies the fact that he was getting bombed last September. Then there is James "Big Maple" Paxton, who has done the impossible: Made us yearn for Sonny Gray. Last night, the only positive that John Sterling could conjure about Paxton was that he is not inconsistent: In start after start, he's consistently bad. Today, we turn to CC, the grand old man, our reigning ambassador to 2009, and who among us expects him to last into the fifth?
We have a better bullpen, but it's getting blown to smithereens by two-inning starters, and our closer is melting down faster than the true North icecaps. (The speculative news stories this week that El Chapo next winter will invoke the "out" clause in his Yankee contract - becoming a free agent - hardly brought tears across the Yankiverse. Let him go. We've simply endured too many lead-off walks, too many nail-biting scenarios, to re-up for a longer term. If he can get a five-year deal, he better take it.)
If we go around the horn, whatever advantages we saw in June no longer apply.
At 1B and 2B, Voit and LeMahieu beat Moreland and Chavis. That's where it ends. Bogaerts and Devers are having monster years; either could be MVP.
At catcher, much as we hate to admit it, Christian Vasquez has become more formidable, both offensively and defensively, than the up-down roller-coaster ride known as Gary Sanchez.
In the OF, Betts, Bradley and Benintendi equal Gardy, Hicks and Judge (who can't seem to stay healthy and put together that MVP year), and JD Martinez is vastly superior to the shell of the ancient slugger that The Master calls "Eddie" Encarnacion. Eddie still hits HRs, but .225 isn't cutting it. (In fact, it's still not clear whether Eddie, as DH, will produce more than what Clint Frazier was doing, had the Yankees stuck with him. Frazier was having a breakout season when Cashman pulled the rug. He's now ticketed to go in trade, and it's not even clear if we'll get much in return. The Yankees have done all they can to deflate the guy and make him yearn to go elsewhere.)
We've sat atop the AL East for months, secure in the fantasy that this was our year. This weekend, reality intervened.
Listen: This is not a glitch in the Matrix. We're not going to wake up next week and rattle off 10 straight wins. This is real, goddammot. The Yankees are the second best team in the AL East, and this weekend, Boston is going to wipe the floor with us. TURN IT OFFFFF! TURN IT OFFFFFFF!
Duque,
ReplyDeleteStep away from the ledge. I don't see Gossage and Lyle on the Carmines.
I just checked the standings and it tells me the Yankees are "slumping" at 6-4 over the last 10 games, which is still better than the Carmines' season average.
I know, they picked up ONE WHOLE GAME in the standings over the last ten games.
No need to panic.
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Yet.
My bush league Sabrina of playing Sweet Caroline backwards was woefully inadequate last night, and I was a little surprised that there was not a flashing IIHIIFIIC icon calling international JuJu intervention today when checked in, but I guess you can't blow your JuJu wad willy nilly every time your back is against the wall??? Urggggggggg, rules!
ReplyDeleteThis would be the perfect day for CC to shine, his Hollywood moment where he gets to play the stopper and stanch the bleeding, and, the bats wake up, and, they invent a cure for the hangover, and, and, and,,,,,,,,,,,
How do you leave a starter in until he gives up 12 runs? How do you leave a starter in until he gives up 7 runs?
ReplyDeleteWhat are we saving the bullpen for, exactly, if not for games like these? Let the starters throw batting practice when we play teams that don't matter, that our batting order might still win against those teams' lousy staffs.
I don't get it.
If we lose today, I will call for an Emergency International Juju Intervention (EIJI).
ReplyDeleteJM, starters gotta stay in and get shelled because they suck and none of them can go more than four innings, which exhausts the bullpen. Irabu knew it Thursday and tried to stay in, but Boone didn't want to give up 35 runs in one game. Then Tarpley came in and he managed to be more awful.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness Hall couldn't afford Keuchel and/or Corbin because then his children wouldn't be able to give billions to their grandchildren.
The truth is that we were playing ABOVE our skills for a couple of months. We have no good pitching. None, Zero, Nada. Zilch. Nyet-ski.
ReplyDeleteWhat are we going to chant? "German and Sevvy and pray it don't get heavy?"
We be fucked, gentlemen and ladies. I don't want to be the voice of doom, but nobody is coming to rescue us. It did not have to be this way. Hal could have spent some of his money - which he would have recovered in dividends, alone, over the last 30 days, and we could have one or two stalwarts, maybe not heavy-balled studs, but stalwarts. Instead, we have genius Cashman trying to shuffle turds around on the gigantic backyard lawn chessboard, then putting on his alchemist outfit with the pointy hat and trying to turn dog shit into gold.
Won't work. The laws of physics, humanity and the Hague Convention are all working againts us. The faux populism of MLB's dictariat is all-powerful.
Never forget the watchword of the month: "HAL HATES US."
Say it again as you slide under the waters of the nearest river, pond, stream or ocean. Try to think of the Babe and DiMaggio and the Mick as you take your last breaths. We are now a corporate entity and success is measured as a percentage of profit, not in the win column, stats or anywhere else.
Let's talk merchandise. That will make Little Prince Lord Hal happy.
Fuck you, Brian. Fuck you Hal. And Randy Levine - FUCK YOU, TOO, YOU FUCKING PIG.
I know we're trying to keep the Pen's collective arm from falling off, but why now? Against Boston? But not against Minny? It just makes no sense to me. Couldn't we have found a better time for sacrificial offerings than playing our most daunting competitor? When we lose a game against them, it's a game lost in the standings. When we lose against someone else, Boston is playing another team, and could well lose, too. No damage.
ReplyDeleteBig leads in July can quickly evaporate when you have a dozen or so games against the one team that could take you down.
Like I said, I don't get it.
JM - we cannot look for logic when Boone is leaving starters out there to dry LONG after he should have yanked them. Someone is asleep at the wheel and it truly feels like no one gives a shit OR nobody knows what's going on.
ReplyDeleteI could've seen sacrificing one game, but it's now Sunday, three games into this series. Ma Boone sacrificed three games. I don't get it either. Effing b-s.
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