No, I mean the exact OPPOSITE of Swift's satire. The Yankees should NOT eat their young.
Instead, they should be sellers instead of buyers.
If Coops had half a brain and HAL had half a soul, what they would decide is:
"Hey, we can't possibly win this year anyway. Probably not even the division. One ace would not be enough, and there's not even a jack left in the throwaway pile now, just a whole lot of jokers.
"So instead of buying, we're selling. Step right up, folks!
"Let's begin with our two, woebegone starters, Sap & Crapp. What's wrong with them? Who knows? We have Larry "Boris Johnson" Rothschild for a pitching coach. But maybe you have someone who can fix them—coupla veteran arms in a pennant race, if you know what I mean, nudge-nudge, wink-wink.
"Thank you. Just pile up the prospects over there.
"Next we have this perfectly capable catcher. Oh, all right, so he doesn't catch balls so well at the best of times, and he's always injured now. But hey, you guys are probably wasting money on a useful training staff. Why not put it to work?
"Who's next? Want a terrific closer? Latest model machine-gun accessory included! He was on the mound in a World Series Game Seven! All right, so he didn't get the job done and now his knee is barking worse than ever. Still, if you don't mind the heart attacks, he'll save you a few games.
"What else do we have? You want an only slightly used opener? Chad Green, right here. Maybe you can figure out what his role should be. We sure as hell can't.
"That tall fella over there? Yes, that's for sale, too. I know, I know. Never thought I'd see the day, either. Hey, maybe we're being foolish. But you'll never know, unless you take the chance!
"All right, then. Thanks for all the kids, guys. Our rebuilding will begin immediately. We're going to do it the way it should be done this time.
"Oh, hey, you gotta any room left in that shopping cart for a manager, a coaching staff, a clubhouse full of trainers, and an aged general manager with his own elf suit and climbing gear? We'll throw all that junk in for free."
Chad is the only one any intelligent GM would want.
ReplyDeleteYES! To take it even further, make an announcement that "we're not really going for it. Obviously, we try to win all the time, but our future is more important and we think we can do well this year AND still rebuild at the same time."
ReplyDeleteOf course, the infamous quote "we had to destroy it in order to save it" comes to mind.
ReplyDeleteI like the monikers "Sap and Crapp". But no need for a fire sale. We are going to win the division.
ReplyDeleteA ten game lead in the loss column on August 1st when most of the leagues is made up of teams that have abandoned all hope is formidable.
We have 57 Games left. If we win half 28.5 (OK I'll round down 28)we end the year @ 95.
Tampa would have to win 35/54 .648 to tie. They are playing .556 ball so far and they ain't gonna get it done. Plus they play...
7 vs. Boston
2 Vs. LA
3 Vs. Houston
2 vs. Us
That's 14 tough games right there.
Boston would need to win 36/55 would need to play .655 ball. Maybe.
7 Vs. Tampa
8 Vs. US
They also play Phil. twice and Minn 3x So Maybe.
However, even with destroying us last week they are only 6-4 over their last 10.
Most importantly -
These numbers are based on the Yankees playing .500 the rest of the way.
Given that they have the first or second best record in MLB and the aforementioned tomato cans actually exist, they are NOT playing .500 ball. Even with "less than optimal" pitching.
Where we are going to get in trouble is the playoffs. But we are going to win the division.
Doug K.
ReplyDeleteI don't know where else to post this. I read today the story ("oral history") of David Cone's perfect game -- with Yogi and Don Larsen in attendance, etc., etc.
Nice tale:
https://www.mlb.com/news/oral-history-of-david-cone-s-perfect-game
BIG NEWS TO ME: According to the story, the "peace" deal between Yogi and George S. -- after more than a decade -- was put together by none other than.....Suzyn.
Did everyone else know this? If so, I'm sorry to be (was, is, will remain) so damn ignorant...
I prefer Larry "Joe Biden" Rothschild. Makes about as much sense.
ReplyDeleteDamm you Happ, you useless turdlet. Damm you, Boner and Nutsack.
ReplyDeleteYes. Joe FoB, we all kneo Suzyn brokered the peace.
Fuck you Hal.
More Happlessness. Hey, let's make a trade for a starting pitcher and then Rothschild can teach him how to tip pitches and throw an ineffective slider because this pitcher can't throw one. SMH. FYL.
ReplyDeleteNice play by Judge.
ReplyDeleteVery Happy, but not happy.
ReplyDeleteWhoever said Judge is still injured is spot on. His swings look like he still favoring that side.
ReplyDeleteI was wrong.
ReplyDeleteDoug K.
Doug K, I'm sure you have been, but you've also been right quite, ala "Given that they have the first or second best record in MLB and the aforementioned tomato cans actually exist, they are NOT playing .500 ball. Even with "less than optimal" pitching."
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'll quibble with the NOT right now, till they untie the knot that's choking them. It may just be their collective realization that they MAY not win it all with their pitchers suffering from a lively ball that unfixes a splitter and takes the bite out of a slider. Makes 'em slip, as well as superfly, with the drawn in candyass walls.
Ed Davies, I was referring mostly to Rothschild's disheveled, BoJo-like appearance. Although even BoJo manages to put on proper work attire.
ReplyDeleteDoug K., I love you and I love your optimism. But Boston and probably Tampa B. are going to speed past this Yankees team like they are standing still. The 8 games we have against Boston alone guarantees the lead is gone. And we are now hemorraghing a player a day. Sad times!
ReplyDelete
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