Virtual Baseball: Yanks Go With What Doesn't Work, Lose to Brews. New Camp Doctors Order Bed Rest for All.

Deciding to give perpetual prospect Luis "Unecessa" Cessa one more shot, the Virtual Yankees were dismayed to see the young pitcher routed against last night, as Milwaukee rolled to a 12-6 victory.

Christian Yelich, the former NL MVP the Brewers grabbed while the Yankees were busy securing the services of their vastly superior outfielder and mystic, Giancarlo Stanton, Yelich hit two towering home runs and a pair of run-scoring singles to lead the team from the Land of Cheese.  Ben Gamel, International League MVP while still a Yankee farmhand, added another home run and two doubles for the Curds and Whey boys.

Luke Voit and Miguel Andujar each homered for the Yankees, who also left 17 men on base.

Elsewhere in the Empire, the new pair of European doctors taking over the Yanks' Legends Rehab Facility in Tampa, urged bedrest for all their patients.

"We recommend that they not only go to bed, but remain completely still there.  The slightest nervous excitement could be injurious to their health," Drs. Behrens and Krokowski told the press in a joint statement.

Asked if this did not constitute an archaic treatment for tuberculosis, Behren and Krokowski replied, "Of course.  This is a tuberculosis clinic, isn't it?"  The doctors also expressed the opinion that most of the reporters present were looking a little green around the grills, and should probably enter the facility for a long bedrest themselves.

Yankees creatures Lonn Trost and Randy Levine both denied any responsibility for hiring the German doctors, and blamed their arrival instead on longtime Yankees batboy Eddie Bennett.