Thursday, September 24, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Happ Scraps Cheaters, Yanks Still Three Back. Wall Street Wolves Rally at Pangolin House.

FROM THE CRAZED COMPUTER OF HORACECLARKE66

Suddenly rejuvenated starter virtual J.A. Happ pitched a complete game Wednesday night, shutting down the Houston Ethically Challenged Astros, 9-1.  

Aaron Hicks, Gleyber Torres, and Luke Voit all homered for the suddenly revived and rejuvenated Bombers, as they tore off their third straight win—though it still left the Bronx team three games behind the TB Rays with just four games left to play. 

 

“Three of those games are against Tampa Bay, in our ballpark, so we still have a solid chance,” pointed out manager Ma Boone.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” snorted Yankees GM Brian Cashman, seated next to Boone at the same press conference.  “We have zero chance to catch those guys.  None, nada, zippo.  I keep telling you: get your pitching ready for the postseason!”


“Mr. Cashman, my pitching is always ready,” Boone told him, while the assembled New York press conference let out with a collective, “ooooohhhhhh!”

 

Meanwhile, heartened by a Wall Street rally that took the Dow back over 27,000, hundreds of top Wall Street traders held a raucous, morale-raising event/Trump fundraiser at Pangolin House, located in the unfortunate black monolith situated in centerfield of Yankee Stadium III. 

 

While feasting on the obscure Chinese lizard-mammal fried, roasted, fricasseed, or tartare, the traders paid little attention to the game on the field, but gave repeated cheers for capitalism and the American way, along with constant demands for strippers.

8 comments:

  1. The article, the headline and Hoss should be ensconced in a collection of "best baseball journalism ever," right next to you, Duque.

    I have to go re-read this and savor every word. But first - time to get my Pangolin breakfast bun out of the microwave.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The "obscure Chinese lizard-mammal fried, roasted, fricasseed, or tartare" sounds mysterious, yet delicious.

    Does that come with noodles or rice?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happ scraps cheaters

    Doo dah-dahh

    Happ scraps cheaters

    Doo-dit-dit-dahh

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happ scraps cheaters

    Doo dah-dahh

    Happ scraps cheaters

    Doo-dit-dit-dahh

    ReplyDelete
  5. Happ scraps cheaters

    Doo dah-dahh

    Happ scraps cheaters

    Doo-dit-dit-dahh

    ReplyDelete
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