Finally, back in California… Sitting comfortably on my office Lazy Boy, a carafe of Chaga on the snack tray next to me, and ready to give some post mortem.
Side Note: I prefer
to write in a recliner with a wireless keyboard on my lap. Aside from being more
comfortable I never get wrist, back, or eye strain from hunching over a laptop.
I also still use a ViewSonic P220f as my monitor. If any of
you were art directors back in the day, and I’m now old enough to say, “Back in
the day”, you know what a great monitor
it is. Sure, it weighs like 40 Lbs., but a classic is a classic for a reason.
I’m telling you this because as part of my travels I went to
the Dr. Suess Museum in Springfield Mass and the exhibit that was most interesting
to me was his office/studio. They
reproduced it and I got more insight about the man from looking at the way he
set up his creative space than anything else in the place. Here it is…
Simple, yet everything he needs right at hand. Comfortable looking chair too.
Here are two more gratuitous pictures of the museum just because…
I genuinely hate this team and all those responsible for its
construction. Originally, I was going to
write a traditional “Keep Them or Dump Them” but the truth is, with very few
exceptions, I want to dump them all. The
only way to differentiate will be the "How."
The Infield
First Base - Anthony Rizzo
I suspect that, if Judge signs with San Francisco, Rizzo will join him there. Currently their 1B is Brandon Belt. While the name and the meme, “Dark Brandon” is popular in the Bay Area...
My Giants fan friends don’t like him. Plus, Rizzo is the Judge whisperer. They go together.
So, if Judge stays. He stays. If Judge goes…
Dump Em. Although technically... He opted out. So, he dumped us.
2B Gleyber Torres
I can’t watch this guy anymore. He is the worst base runner
I have ever seen and that includes Ira Mitchwitz from my Native American named summer
camp. When Ira got on base despite
himself, we would always have to yell, “RUN!!!!!” when the ball was hit.
Question: Do Native American’s name their summer camps after
Jews? It only seems fair.
Gleyber plays without urgency. What makes it worse is, when
he focusses, he’s actually good. But MLB outlawed “Greenies” so…
Dump Em:
Shortstop - IFK
It’s not all his fault. The “Brain Troust” placed a Gold Glove third
baseman at shortstop where he was clearly overmatched. Players generally go the other way, starting
out at SS and ending up at second or third.
He was the main reason we ended up with Donaldson. They
could have just cut Sanchez and been done with it, but Cashman was fixated on
getting IKF even if it meant acquiring Donaldson and his $50M contract.
Think about how stupid that is. They took on $50M and got rid of a good third baseman to get a
transitional SS who doesn’t play SS. To make it worse… when they brought up
Peraza, who supposedly IKF was just place holding for, they kept playing him.
Now Boone is making noise about playing him next year as well! So…
Dump Em: Somewhere so far away that he can’t find his way
back until his contract has expired.
3B Josh Donaldson
Wow. There’s nothing left to be said about this guy.
Wait… Here's one more. The “Jackie”
thing was the distraction that derailed the team at a time when they were
playing unconsciously well. The Yankees
still wouldn’t have gone all the way, but we would have had a couple more good
weeks and maybe home field advantage against Houston.
Dump Em:
Preferably somewhere
in Russia so he can be conscripted into the Russian Army. He’ll fit right in.
The Outfield
Left Field - TBD (To Be Dumped)
Who is our Left
Fielder? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?
Do we have a Left Fielder?
Benintendi is a FA. Oswaldo is a super sub. I guess it’s Aaron Hicks.
Dump Em’: At Saint Andrews. I’ve played it. Some of those bunkers are pretty deep.
Center Field - Harrison Bader
I like everything about him from his suggestive and easy to
screw around with name, to the fact that, of all the people Cashman brought in
at the worst trading deadline performance since October 29, 1929, Bader
actually performed above expectation and plays with passion.
Keep Em.
Right Field - Do we even have a
Right Fielder?
This team is in deep shit.
I was going back and forth on re-signing Judge but if he’s
not in right then who is? Not Stanton. Judge isn’t coming back is he? Good for
him. Sad for us.
Catcher - Jose Trevino and Kyle Higashioka
Keep Jose. Dump Higgy. Or in the case of Higgy don't let him go to spring training because he always kills there. Just start playing him in the middle of the year, or better yet, don't have him play at all until the playoffs. That way when he stats out by hitting like Johnny Bench it will do us good.
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I would do the DH position and dump Stanton but he's fragile enough and I wouldn't want to add to his burdens.
First, dump Genius Cashman who uttered, "Results Don't Matter."
ReplyDeletePretty hilarious, Doug! And thanks for the Dr. Seuss photos. I think it was Hirschfeld who used to draw in a barber's chair, right?
ReplyDeleteAlso..."Brain Troust"? Isn't that a typo? Don't you mean, "Brain Trout," in that the Yankees' front office has the collective brains of a trout?
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on pretty much all of your decisions, Doug. With the exception of Rizzo—we will HAVE to keep him if he'll come back. There's nobody else in sight.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right that he might go if Judge goes. And if Judge goes...well, that's the end of the world as we know it. And no, I don't feel fine.
Lonn A. Trost, Esq.
ReplyDeleteDidn’t they cancel Dr Seuss?
ReplyDeleteI do not like them with a bat
ReplyDeleteI do not like them in our hat
I do not like them, whiff or slam
I do not like them, Sam I Am!
They keep trying, Wezil. Mostly because, when he was a young, radical cartoonist for PM, the ad-free NYC newspaper, Geisel wrote cartoons that were seen as anti-Japanese.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, by our standards today, they were unflattering, racial caricatures. But they emanated mostly from his outrage over how many millions of Chinese the Japanese army was slaughtering at the time.
Me, I love the Seuss. Wish I still had a copy of the 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins.
If the Yankees are unable to sign Judge, I say they should do a garage sale and completely tank, go with kids, bring up anybody and everybody, let 'em develop up here. If Judge stays, they can go after a frontline starter. Make some trades for lefty hitters.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of what happens, they should get rid of Donaldson, and trade Torres.
BUT this is what they'll actually do: Most probably, Judge will run away. They will sign a free agent or two. (Think old, slow, and washed guys who will get paid a ton of money based on past performance.) They will trade for another guy like Donaldson. And they will keep Donaldson, too. They'll probably keep Torres too, because we never trade away anyone, unless we're getting someone like Donaldson. They might sign an over the hill starter for a lot of money. They'll bring in a couple of more mediocre relievers who they fancy, for some weird reason known only to them. And all this will most probably result in just barely making the playoffs and getting kicked out in the first round. Again!
@Hoss, Yeah, the Japanese imperialists back then did many terrible things. They did things that make Putin seem like a teddy bear. Probably not quite as hideous as Nazi Germany, but it was pretty bad. Back then, Japan was using China and Korea and the rest of east Asia and the Pacific as their stepping stone to world domination. Then the atom bomb turned Japan into a victim, as it paid for its sins with the horrors of nuclear devastation.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is, now Communist China is like the old imperial Japan. Trying to use everyone else as its stepping stone to world domination. And Putin's Russia, trying to devour all Europe. What a mess!
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful blog, but -- let's stop insulting the trout.
You're right, Joe. And I apologize. I, personally, have known many trout who were smarter than the Yankees' front office. They were dead, and usually on my plate, but even so they would never have traded for Frankie Montas or Ben Rortvedt
ReplyDelete.
It's true, Hammer. And without reference to any contemporary politics whatsoever, it's amazing that two societies that proved to be such wizards at modern technology, Germany and Japan, convinced themselves that their survival depended upon slaughtering millions of innocent people so they could acquire more farmland.
ReplyDelete"Never underestimate the role of stupidity in human affairs."
Fuck.
ReplyDeleteThem.
All.
Release everyone on except anyone who played in Scranton this year.
Then, play them.
They'll be easier to root for. The explanations for their failures will be more believable.
Plus, purge the front office. All of them. Bring in the Tom's River little league staff. They have a better record than the Yankees the last couple of decades.
Tom's River kicks ass. Have a bunch of cousins who grew up there. With a hundred more of them, I could rule the world.
ReplyDeleteThe Japanese were far more brutal than the Germans, yet only a small handful of their leaders actually were brought up on war crime charges. Part of the reason stemmed from business, part because of post-war political gaming, and,uh, gaming.
ReplyDelete