Again. Excuse me. I jusHAHAHAAHA...
Okay. Now, we'll start. Serious now. It was - mmff... umm... ughhHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
(Half-hour later, ketamine kicking in) Okay, where were we? Ah, yes, last night...
So, Texas leads Seattle, 2-1, entering the ninth.
The Rangers bring in star closer, the great El Chapo, aka the Water Cannon, the Human Sweat Machine, the Glistening Tattoo, The Visor Waterfall... Smiley... Chappy... Aroldis Chapman, the Man of Chap!
The man who quit on us last year, right about now...
Leading off for Seattle, catcher Cal Raleigh. Fastball, inside, ball one. Next pitch is grooved, and Raleigh singles to left. One on.
Next, Dylan Moore, hitting .210. Fastball, down the middle. Strike one. Splitter, which he singles to left. Two on, no outs.
At this point, the state of Texas, the island of Cuba, and the Rangers brain trust have seen enough. (They learned from Boonie's mistakes?) They bring in somebody named Jonathan Hernandez (ERA 5.58.) Too late. Guy gives up a walk-off double, and Seattle parties on the field, courtesy of Cheshire Chappy.
Listen: To live a happy life , you must learn to enjoy the little things. The smell of cleaning products in an elevator. The first bite of droopy pizza. Software that works the first time you install it.
The Yankees won't make the playoffs. These last three games against KC are a joke. I hope we lose them all. It's been a terrible season, but as the Boss once sang, "Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny." It's almost over. The Yankees can't hurt us anymore. And, who knows, maybe we'll get to watch El Chapo in the playoffs!
If the rain comes
ReplyDeleteThey run and hide their heads
They might as well be dead
If the rain comes
If the rain comes
And I imagined Jordan Montgomery, sitting in the visiting dugout after throwing six innings of two hit ball, thinking to himself: "Where have I have seen this movie before?"
ReplyDelete"the first bite of droopy pizza"
ReplyDeleteNever thought about it before but yes, definitely one of life's pleasures. Very underrated. I'm going to spend the rest of the day trying to identify and appreciate more of those tiny but wonderful moments. I'm serious BTW.
H B lOwn save?
ReplyDeleteWhy so sssssserious?
ReplyDeleteJust in case you think Cashman is the only exec who grabs washed-up veterans in the hope that, by some miracle, they'll still be effective.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why Chapman still has a job.
Rolaids spells relief...LOL
ReplyDeleteChapman will be Ca$hman first FA signing of the off season
ReplyDeleteWonderful, Duque! And I WILL enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteThis season will never ever seem funny.
ReplyDeleteEvvv-UURH.
Fuck Hal!!
Doug,
ReplyDeleteI'm more inclined to cherish software the works the first time you install it.
Maybe because I've been battling comcast (we're so bad at customer service, we had to change our name to xfinity ).
Oh, and fuck HAL!