Hey, it's October - the season of pumpkin spice - and, of course, the Yankees are init to winit.
Ex-Yanks and shoulda-beens dot the postseason rosters, which begs The Essential Question:
What players, by having a big October, could most embarrass the Yankee brain trust? Whoa. That's a tall order - embarrassing the unembarrassable.
Nevertheless, here's the Top Ten Potential October Yankee Embarrassments.
10. Ezequiel Duran. At age 24, he hit .276 for the Rangers. Looks like their long-term 3B. (Imagine that: A long-term 3B.) We traded him for - gulp - Joey Gallo.
9. Joey Gallo. Gulp. To fully embarrass the Death Barge, Barney Google would have to go on a huge hitting spree, and we all know that he won't. Still, his 2021 acquisition launched Brian Cashman's incredible downfall. Joey rouses memories. Remember "The Big Package?"
8. Jorge Mateo. Starting SS for the AL's best team. As a kid, the Yanks touted him - he was a Martian before The Martian - until the day they suddenly announced he was gone, and he'd never really been in their future plans. (A common theme in our steady decline: The prospect who was always secretly going to be traded.) Fun Fact: We dealt him for Sonny Gray.
7. Josh Donaldson. Hard to say whether he embarrassed the Yankees as much as he did himself this year. If he got hot and led Milwaukee to a world series, his every plate appearance would wound Cashman. It would almost be fun. No matter what, though, glad to see him gone.
6. Nathan Eovaldi. It's been a seven hard years since the Yankees gave up on him. But they had him for two seasons - long enough to assess his character. And they didn't. Nope, they let him go to Boston, where he won a championship and became one of the toughest pitchers in baseball. With every October outing, he should remind Cashman of his mistake.
5. David Robertson. Has fashioned out a sturdy, 15-year career. Dear God, he was ours. He shoulda been a lifelong Yankee. Again, they couldn't see what they had? They couldn't recognize his character? I remember one time when the benches cleared, and Robertson sprinted in from the left field bullpen - (the others jogged) - because he is a teammate. Why has no one ever been held accountable for letting this guy go?
4. Jordan Montgomery. Ow, hey - this is starting to pinch. Another of Cashman's greatest crappings of the bed. He's spent his GM career chasing what he calls "the white whale," dominant starting pitchers, and yet he traded Montgomery for an injured, light-hitting OF. From the minute the deal was announced, Yank fans shouted WTF? His every appearance this October will be an embarrassment.
3. Aaron Hicks. We'll pay him $20 million over the next two years. Don't get me wrong: Guy had to go. But sometimes, you just have to wonder: How did we get to such a wretched place? And why is no one ever held accountable?
2. Sonny Gray. We traded Mateo and Kaprielian for him, and then suddenly decided he didn't have the fortitude to make it in NYC. It's that common theme: If a guy gets off to a bad start, announce to the world that he's a wuss, and trade him for whatever. This, by the people who jettisoned Eovaldi, Robertson, et al. He should be runner up to Cole's Cy Young. He's an ace. Whatever chances Minnesota has this month, they rest on Gray's shoulder. Cashman traded him for Shed Long, Jr.
1. Bryce Harper. A great hitter, a great teammate, a leader, a fan favorite, and a future hall-of-famer. In 2019, as a free agent, he visited NYC, begging for a chance to fulfil his childhood dream and play for the Yankees. They hid under their beds. Imagine Harper batting next to Judge. Instead, billionaire Hal counted his pennies and didn't answer the phone. For as long as Harper plays - five years, 10? - he should always embarrass our owner and his favored lackey.
What about Eric Swanson, Trevor Stephen, Garret Whitlock, JP Sears, Andrew Heaney all given away for nothing.
ReplyDeleteThen there is Gio Gallegos, Estrada, Ben Gamel. Next year we will be saying the same things about Andujar, Ken Waldichuk & Hayden Wesneski.
I'm probably missing 1/2 dozen other guys. This guys just SUCKS!!, but he's coming BACK!!
Oh yeah - - - what about how I feel every time any local points at me now and asks, “ISN’T HE THAT YANKEES FAN? TELL US ONE OF YOUR TUESDAY HAIKUS…..YOU YANKEE FAN!!!!!”
ReplyDeleteAA, be careful or they'll make you wear a red Y sewn onto your clothes.
ReplyDeleteDear Hal,
ReplyDeleteFuck you you fucking fuck.
DickA (off of your bukowski comment from the other post)
ReplyDeleteDickA,
Did the Bukowski bus tour of LA with a bunch of buddies for my 60th B-Day.
Saw the post office from Post Office. Bought whiskey at his favorite liquor store (then drank it on the bus before heading to the next stop his rehab place.)
Yes, that's correct they got us all drunk and then sent us into a building full of recovering alcoholics.
Bad and stupid tour. So naturally we had a blast. But, as a comedy writer buddy of mine said when it was over, "I feel like I know less about him than I did when I got on the bus."
El Duque -
ReplyDeleteI really liked this post.
What interesting is that you didn't mention any Braves or Dodgers, probably because they are well run teams who don't need Yankee "scrap heap" players.
Also a rotation of
Cole
Montgomery
Evoldi
Gray ( I know... I know...)
Would have been a good one.
Last,
Passing on Harper was inexcusable! His passion alone would have made the difference.
With regard to Bukowski, my favorite book of poetry is, THE DAYS RUN AWAY LIKE WILD HORSES OVER THE HILLS. If you ever get a chance at it...
ReplyDeleteJM - Toddlers wearing Cashman masks are always running up to me in public places, pointing and laughing as their Moms look on in disgust and shake their heads . . .
ReplyDeleteNews Flash!
ReplyDeleteClay Holmes named AL relief pitcher of the Month.
I don’t think that they specified which month (or year, actually) but that means that Clay will be fired and glazed up for another 5 years and 60 million dollars!!!
Pretty funny, Doug, AA! Crumbling makes us merry.
ReplyDeleteBut let's not forget...Justin Verlander! The guy the Yankees passed in favor of Sonny Gray, in the first place. He alone would probably have given the Yanks another 2-3 rings over the last seven seasons.
Plus, even though he's hurt now, Charlie Morton. Yankees didn't want that proven winner in all kinds of different settings. No, sir! Why, he was holding out for a two-year contract! We passed on him, what, 2-3 times?
Careful, AA. They'll put you in the stocks and they try you for witchcraft.
ReplyDelete"The night is bitter
ReplyDeleteThe stars have lost their glitter
The winds grow colder
And suddenly you're older
And all because of
The man who got away..."
Or, in this case, the entire fucking team that got away.
Ooh! Also, let's not forget J.T. Realmuto, the catcher the Yanks supposedly could've had, even up, for Gary Sanchez.
ReplyDeleteDoubt if he'll make the World Series again, but he's only been the best receiver in baseball for the past 5-6 years.
ReplyDeleteThis is from Andy Martino this morning, and it's so-fucking-obvious-how-did-we-miss-it:
"Back when these comments were made, the assumption was that the outside organization would come in and evaluate the Yankees' practices. However, it will be the Yankees who are paying to view how an outside firm runs analytics, and then comparing it to how they do it themselves, according to Martino. Basically, it is a self-evaluation as they are looking at another company, not the company looking at them. The Yankees' front office, headed by Brian Cashman has been considering this for years, and now has clearance to spend the money to do it, according to Martino."
@Mildred...it's like Big Pharma...they pay for research...but to get the money from them, you have to give them the result they require...I see...I get it...
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMan alive there have been so many bum decisions in player recruitment and trading that you forget how bad they are till you see them written down
Now this audit is turning into a farce as well to the surprise of nobody
I reckon whoever is in charge of identifying bullpen arms is the only semi-competent member of the entire Yankees organisation
The rest of them from Cashman downwards should be removed as a matter of urgency
Fuck the "Audit"... hal should just read this blog
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSadly, these are just the recent highlights. We don't even know all the day-to-day routine fuckery and bullshittery that goes into running the franchise. Excuse me, running this great franchise into the ground.
ReplyDeleteAll the fuckery and bullshittery starts and ends with Hal, may his eyeballs burst with syphilitic pus.