Dept of Homeplate Security: Yankees will now allow small bags into stadium

Updated Yankee Stadium rules for terrorists.



1. Carry nuclear bomb in secure tote bag or suitcase less than 16 inches wide.


2. Refer to the stadium security guard as "Dude."


3. Avoid wearing Redsock logo, or may face manhandling.

4. Prior to detonating nuclear device, instead of praising God, shout, "Boston sucks."


5. Only use during likely loss. NOTE: NO DETONATIONS WHEN YANKS LEAD.