Yanks cling to razor-thin lead in 2025 Tabloid Back Cover Race

Saturday, December 13, 2025

And for only $25K - $40K, you can also have Aaron Boone show up to motivate and inspire in person . . .

Posted by AboveAverage at 11:08 AM


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7 comments:

Doug K. said...

"I want to thank the (Fill in the Blank) Corporation for inviting me speak tonight. One of the first things I learned about public speaking is to open with a joke so here goes... Anthony Volpe is Fucking Elite...

Why are you laughing? That was the set up. Anthony Volpe IS Fucking Elite and he walks into a bar and ...

Hey! I'm trying to finish the joke... Fine, I'll move on.

Tonight I want to talk to you about leadership.

As the manager of the Aspirational World Champions... Why are you laughing? I'm being serious.

As the manager of the New York Yankees I am responsible for the twenty-five men who look up to me and who trust me to make decisions that will lead to victories. Hey, cmon stop laughing. They do!

Here are my three rules for being a successful manager... OK fine. Laugh away it's your money.

Rule One: Set A Low Bar

The key to leading a team whether in sports or in middle management is to understand what is an achievable goal. A low bar. That way it is always, "Right there in front of us." By reducing ownerships goals to what are basically slam dunks, you can stay employed pretty much forever.

Rule Two: Look For The Silver Lining.

If despite lowering expectations your team misses a sales target and now you're seated at the "big table" with the executives and you are giving your report. Don't talk about what didn't happen.

Talk about "We had some really good sales calls." or say, "Even though the competition is closing the gap on us it's still there in front of us."

Rule Three - Feign Anger and Blow Up

There will be times that your sales team is lethargic and not getting the job done. It's not necessary to teach them how to do the job better. Just blame someone else and start screaming. You will be asked to leave.

This doesn't make them better but at least you don't have to watch it and can go home early.

STOP LAUGHING. WHAT KIND OF AUDIANCE ARE YOU!!! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW TO MANAGE!!! DO YOUR DAMN JOB. What? Stop yelling or I'll have to leave?

(Kicks over the dais)

HOW CAN I BE EXPECTED TO WIN HERE IF YOU DON"T STOP LAUGHING. I"M GOING TO FILE WITH YOUR HEAD OFFICE! YOU ARE ALL DISGRACES TO YOUR PROFESSION!!!

I'm going... I'm going...

(Comes back)

FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Thank you. Good night.



December 13, 2025 at 12:05 PM
AboveAverage said...

What was the source of your transcription, Doug ?

December 13, 2025 at 1:02 PM
BTR999 said...

well done Doug! I’m just surprised they could pry his lips off Cashman’s ass long enough for him to speak to a group.

December 13, 2025 at 1:38 PM
edb said...

Boone inspires me to listen to bullshit. Years ago, the Yannkees had a mascot named Dandy. You should post a story. Alfred E. Newmann is a perfect for today's Moron Yankees' administration. Excellent post.

December 13, 2025 at 1:43 PM
13bit said...

Brilliant, Doug!

December 13, 2025 at 1:50 PM
JM said...

Great, Doug! It doesn't sound far fetched to me...

December 13, 2025 at 4:59 PM
JM said...

The only thing Boone will inspire me to do is strangle him.

December 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM

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