Children across the Yankiverse finally know what it's like to beat Boston, and a dozen other takeaways from the Schlittler "A Star Is Born" series.

Ladies and gentlemen, at last... our long national nightmare is - (knock on wood) - over. 

The Yankee-Redsock rivalry was starting to resemble the war on drugs. Considering that our last victory over Boston came in 2003, our annual malaise was now 22, old enough to drink.

But here we are, at last, having shed the monkey. Personal kudos to several classy Redsock fans, who texted their in-game appreciation for the miracle that might be Cam Schlittler. As Coney said, "A star is born..."

A dozen takeaways...

1. From now on, considering Schlittler and Ben Rice, the Yankees should ONLY draft youngsters from Massachusetts.

2. It took ESPN six innings to finally address the elephant in the stadium - Schlittler's "challenging" name. It's actually the first thing everybody thinks. 

3. Having Bucky F****n Dent throw out the ceremonial first pitch was genius. Give the unpaid internet who thought of it a raise.

4. Hate to wheedle, but Boston a) didn't look all that mighty, and b) played a ragged series. Our big blow last night was a two-run error by their 1B in an inning that began with their CF blowing a catchable fly ball. They looked like the Yankees, frozen into last year's Game 5, fifth inning.

5. We root for Philly against the Cook-the-Books Dodgers, am I right? And then the Brewers, overall.

6. Anthony October made another fine defensive play and delivered a seeing-eye single. Is he our SS in 2026? I spent the summer figuring Volpe will be gone. The next three weeks could change that.

7. One of the ESPN talkers said Cam Schlittler will never again pay for a beer in NYC. They should add that he'll get laid a million times. 

8. Imagine a game where Aaron Boone made good decisions. Did I dream it? Letting Schlittler pitch the 8th went against every algorithm Boone has used all season. I feared bringing in Bednar for the 9th: Why open the door, even if just a crack? But give Mr. Hubba Bubba credit: It worked.

9. Defensive play of the series was the pop fly snagged by Ryan McMahon, pinwheeling into Boston's dugout. The lone Redsock to try to break his fall was Greg Weissert, a former Yankee. Not blaming Boston; everything happened too fast. But you like to think that when fellow competitor's head is on the line, you do the right thing.

10. I've never seen Giancarlo Stanton preen and flex at home plate, only to watch his HR die at the wall. (Shades of Jackie Donaldson.) The look on his face when he realized... priceless. Giancarlo is lucky the ball took a weird bounce, allowing him to leg out a double. That could have been a career asterisk. 

11. The difference over the last month? Austin Wells. At times this season, he looked overmatched and outdone. Lately, he's our secret weapon in a circular offense.  

12. Next up, Toronto - hateful Toronto. They'll boo. They'll hiss. They'll beat their chests. Fukkem. But they are second-tier Yankee rivals, villainous wannabees. We just beat Doctor Doom, and next up is Mole Man. They don't represent Canada. They just happen to play in a Canadian city. Fukkem. We can beat these bums.