The Blue Jays just gave the finger to both Marcus Stroman and the Yankees

This should be a joyous, block party week across the Yankiverse: We sit comfortably atop the AL East, while Tampa, Cleveland, Oakland and the Redsocks mud-wrestle for the 2019 wild card dregs. Hell, we should we drinking malt liquor from quart bottles, and eating cheese-injected pretzels, happy and dumb, on our Naugahyde couches. Why are we so dejected?

Clearly, it's the fake reality of this July 31 deadline. We sit at the crossroads, stalled out at the intersection. So jumbled is the outlook that I cannot decide if we should trade the farm for a starting pitcher or stand pat and do nothing. All I know is that, whatever we do, it will probably backfire. Is that just me, being naturally pessimistic, or have we tapped into a fundamental Yankee destiny that increasingly looks doomed? They say you cannot predict baseball, Suzyn. But I can easily count the ways that October will turn on us. 

1. We'll splatter against a legit rotation from Houston, Boston or LA - facing starters who - gasp - actually pitch into the seventh.  

2. Our closer will walk his customary lead-off batters, filling the bases and blowing leads. Meanwhile, our overworked, stems-and-seeds bullpen will burst like an over-inflated balloon. 

3. Our big bats - seeking to score 15 per game - will go swoosh with runners on base. We might beat Minnesota in a short-series shootout. Once we hit real pitching, we'll be pulling our goalie by the third inning. 

Unfortunately - or maybe fortunately, I dunno - the biggest decision was made for us this week, when Toronto sent Marcus Stroman to the Mets for two of their best prospects. Could we not have beaten that deal?

I have to wonder: What have we done to the Blue Jays lately? Not much. The last time we traded for one of their stars was JA Happ, whom I suspect we'd happily give back. Isn't Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner a beloved member of the Billionaires Club? He certainly doesn't spend as his dad did, or as Los Angeles and Boston regularly do. He's happy to let other teams win, and redo the boathouse. He didn't chase Dallas Keuchel. He didn't flirt with Manny or Bryce. Good grief, are they pissed at us for signing Troy Tulowitzki? What did we do to Toronto? 

My guess: The Jays were giving both us and Stroman their spit-moistened middle finger, trading him to the wrong NYC team, and for less than the Yankees would have surrendered at the deadline. They were sick of hearing Stoman whine about pinstripes, so - in the wily nature of Mephistopheles - they granted his New York wish in the most perverse of ways. 

So now... we sit on the couch and watch the news. We'll get some fifth-inning bullpen lug nut, or maybe a fifth starter. We'll overpay, and nothing will change: We'll still see Betances and Severino as our saviors, waiting for either to report a tweak and say, "See you next spring." 

But here is my wish, amended to reflect my stark pessimism. I suggest the Yankees troll the oceans for the pitching equivalents of Mike Tauchman and Luke Voit - that is, 27-28 year-old Triple A workhorses, the kind who are regularly overlooked by parent clubs. The David Hales. Maybe we can acquire some forgotten former prospect who has a month left in his shoulder and nothing to lose. 

The Yankees have survived this season on the backs of no-name underachievers, who stepped from the abyss and saved this team. It's time for Cashman to beat the bushes. Somebody out may have some juice in his arm. We need that guy. Otherwise, the Colt-45 is tasting stale.