With the Curse of Scott Proctor upon us, the chances for a Yankee collapse are very real

Fun fact: Last spring, the Yankees touted their bullpen as the best in baseball.

O, to be in April again! To sip the tub-water of supermodels! To frolic barefoot across fields of erect nipples! Cue Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes from Dirty Dancing: "I... had... the time of my li-i-i-ife..." 

So, WTF happened? 

Well, it's complicated. But basically, I blame the Curse of Scott Proctor - a recurring implosion of juju, angst and panic, which began under Joe Torre, took down Joe Girardi, and now endangers Chewing Gum Boone. It's the terror-filled tendency of Yankee managers to use whatever bullpen arm happens to be throwing well until said pitcher flattens like a cheap tent in a windstorm. 

Here in the dog days of August, the Yankees have not only used up their once great surplus of  bullpen lug nuts, but they traded whatever young  pitchers who might have come to their rescue in September for - among others - a bullpen arm who was similarly abused in Chicago. 

This conjures the spirit of Scott Proctor, a lovable workhorse who was known to burn his spikes, cap and uniform at home plate after a particularly wretched outing. Yes, this man understood the ways of juju. In 2006, Proctor led the AL in appearances - 83 games - and became the only pitcher Joe Torre trusted - until, of course, he hit the wall at 90 mph.  

Torre's relentless use of Proctor - who threw another 83 games in 2007 - eventually ended his Yankee run at age 30.  This happened in an era when Yankee bullpens regularly fell apart in August, dooming Torre's teams. Then his successor, Girardi, came to crush the likes of Adam Warren, Boone Logan, Chase Whitley, et al - just as Boone today is doing with - well - anybody with a pulse. 

The Yankee pen has gone from MLB's best to a recurring Category-5 disaster, because there is nobody to answer Boone's call, and if somebody does somehow throw a scoreless inning, he will soon get used up like a car battery left overnight with the high beams on. 

Two nights ago, the Yankees somehow threw 12 scoreless innings against Seattle, squandering every available arm until Boone had to call Jonathan Loaisiga, a lost vestige of the pitcher he was last year. The game quickly flew out the window, just as it did yesterday when Boone brought in Albert Abreu - "Double A" - who was claimed off the scrapheap after both Texas and Kansas City punted on him. I'd say that Boone "inexplicably" brought in Loaisiga and Abreu, except - no - it's quite explicable: He had nobody else. 

He has nobody else. 

Lately, a sad cry resounding across the Yankiverse has been to promote SS Oswald Peraza from Scranton to replace the light-hitting Isiah Kiner-Falefa. This won't happen, because - well - it doesn't fucking matter: IKF is not the reason for the Yankees' losing ways. The problem is the bullpen. 

Three weeks ago, Brian Crashman drained the farm of young arms that otherwise might have fortified the Mother Ship. We dealt Hayden Wesnesky, Ken Waldichuk and JP Sears - starters who might have become relievers in September - for a bag of players who have yet to make a positive impact on this team. 

It might still work. The Yanks still have a 10 game lead in the AL East, mostly because Toronto seems similarly stunted. And there is Ron Marrinacio and Clarke Schmidt - inexplicably (that word again) languishing in Scranton. But make no mistake: 

The Curse of Scott Proctor still haunts this team, and if we slide into a September free-fall, the sirens will blare like never before. And wherever Boone looks, he will see Scott Proctor.