Friday, October 28, 2022

Aaron Boone has submitted his lineup for tonight

Spoiler: He's still going with Donaldson.

6:30-7:07: Pick up Mr. Steinbrenner's laundry.

7:07-8: Feed Mr. Cashman's fish.

8-8:35 p.m.: Edibles should start kicking in.

8:35 p.m.-9 p.m.: Real Housewives of New Jersey 

9-9:30 p.m.: Zoom call with Josh

9:30-10 p.m.: Real Housewives of Las Vegas

10-11 p.m: OnlyFans

11-11:30 p.m.Post death threat tweets as @yankeekiller

11:30 p.m.: Real Housewives of Boise

Midnight: Fentanyl and bed.

15 comments:

JM said...

Oh, and Jon Heyman has an idea. And maybe not such a bad one:

"Firing Yankees manager Aaron Boone would have been tough, as he’s as popular with his players as he is currently unpopular with fans. The recommendation here: hire an experienced bench coach who can navigate October urgency. Larry Bowa, who played with Boone’s dad on the 1980 champion Phillies (who beat the Astros in the NLCS incidentally) would be a great choice."

Publius said...

No Hicks? That's a relief.

DickAllen said...


Wow. I had to look to see if Larry Bowa was still alive.

If you're going down that list of barely breathing candidates for manager, why not add Dallas Green? I hear even Tony LaRussa is still available. What about Bobby Valentine?

Heyman is a tool.

EDB said...

Excellent, El Duque. You left one thing out. Practice his stuttering. Like, um, um, ah, you know, like.

The Hammer of God said...

El Duque, 6-6:30 Polish his watch collection

AboveAverage said...

El Duque - can you possibly squeeze in this:

Provide gum handlers (Boone's pre-chew-Crew) new off-season schedule for pre-masticating his double bubble.

The Hammer of God said...

Are we going to poll the World Series winner?

I think the Phillies are the team of destiny this year and they'll pull it off in 6 games.

I only saw a few of the Philly games, so this is based on mostly just feel. I know most everyone is picking ASS-stros. But I have a feeling that them ASS-stros get their butts handed to them!

We can hope! Let's go PHILS!

The Hammer of God said...

@AboveAverage, Ewwww!

Publius said...

Hammer, Phillies have a long lineup and two no-shit aces- Nola and Wheeler. Defense can be shaky, though. And while it's been better the last few weeks, the bullpen has been a complete and utter disaster for the last three years. There was a reason they only won 87 games. Should be a fun series though.

ranger_lp said...

Does anyone know if Brett Gardner is coming back this year?

HoraceClarke66 said...

That's flat out hilarious, Duque.

And yeah, his players love Boone so much that occasionally they play hard for him. I'm sure there would have been a massive revolt if he had been fired. Around, you know, available tee times.

ZacharyA said...

The Phillies have Nick Nelson on their World Series roster. Amazing.

AboveAverage said...

Ranger - Brett Gardner is in a state of deep cryogenic sleep in a special chamber he had constructed in the basement of his South Carolina home.

No one knows for sure when he'll be raised out of his cybersleep - however be assured that if the Yankees call he be immediately thawed out.

AboveAverage said...

Oh - Hammer 'o' G - whatever you do - never- ever google pre-mastication . . . .

Celerino Sanchez said...

Is Booney a Boras guy?