The Magic Loogie (For your between-game conspiracy theory entertainment)

 

So, the first time any major-league team with players named both "Oswald" AND "Oswaldo" goes to play in Dallas...they both hit home runs?

In back-to-back innings?????

Mooooore than coincidence?????????????

I don't think so.

Consider:

Just before Oswaldo Cabrera hit his home run in the first, a mysterious figure in the bleachers opened up a black umbrella.

WHAT could that have been?  Except a sinister signal of some sort!

Okay, actually, it was a hot dog vendor at Columbus Circle who opened up his cart umbrella. Because it was raining.

But still!

At the very moment when Oswald Peraza  came to the plate in the SECOND inning, Dallas police arrested three tramps, who were standing suspiciously around the first-base coaching box.

One of these men was later discovered to be Woody Harrelson's father.

The other two? Former bullpen coaches for the New York Mets. 

You tell me there's nothing suspicious about that!

Later, it was revealed that one of them was in fact actress Shelly Long from Cheers, and the other two were pickle ball devotees.

But still!

Do you realize how many potential witnesses from the New York Yankees and the Texas Rangers organizations have died suspicious, premature deaths since the Oswald/Oswaldo blasts?

Well, none, actually.

But did you know that both young Yankees infielders had worked for years as special agents for the CIA?

Except that they hadn't. But that means nothing when I tell you that Josh Donaldson is still a jerk!

Anyway, don't believe me???? Well, just read any of the instant books on the subject!

You be the judge!!!  

(Hey, I wrote, "Judge." Moooore than coincidence, brain? You tell me!)