On the matter of the 2023 Yanks, WHAT WOULD OLD GEORGE DO?
Let's electrify the corpse, add a night of shots with Billy Martin and Howard Spira, and here goes...
Old George would:
1. Re-sign Aaron Judge. And somehow overpay. Ten years at $40 million per?
Within days after the signing, he starts criticizing Judge for failure to hit with runners on base. (It is March 20.)
2. Trade for Jose Altuve. We'll send Houston both Oswald, Oswaldo, Volpe and The Martian. Li'l Jose is George's prized winter acquisition - age 33, fading bat speed, limited durability, earning $29 million per season through 2024. He becomes our backup DH.
Wait... hold your horses, I know what you're thinking: What about Bryce Harper? We'll hold the line on Bryce until he's 38 and straddling the Mendoza Line.
3. Re-sign Aroldis Chapman. This happens after El Chapo visits George in Ohio, personally apologizes for his dismal 2022, and unveils a newly infected tattoo - George's face on his dick. It moves the owner to give Chappy a three-year deal.
4. Fire Aaron Boone. Well, you knew this was coming. Bring back Joe Girardi?
5. Re-sign Anthony Rizzo, extend Josh Donaldson and trade for Aaron Nola, a pending 2024 free agent who has Carl Pavoano written all over him.
Finally, sometime in April, from the owner's crypt, Roger Clemens announces a comeback. You cannot kill the boogeyman.
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10 comments:
True enough. Old George could make the same kind of bonehead mistakes that The Intern makes these days on a regular basis. In that sense, The Intern (aka The Little Shit) is carrying on Old George's legacy.
And then there's the son.
Old George and Little Harold are not unlike in one very important way...
They are both are interested in "putting fannies in the seats" though I do believe that Old George had some interest in winning while his son does not.
He'd hire Billy Martin as manager. Who is dead, but so is George.
If there's a baseball heaven, you know they've got a helluva club.
Hi Guys:
Just to let you know, I won't be reading or posting on IIHIIFIIc for a few days. I'll be lying in bed, facing the wall.
I figure it's going to take me that long to erase the more or less indelibly etched image of George's face on Chapman's dick.
Thanks.
How about "what would Stick Michael or Gabe Paul do?"
Pretty damned funny, Duque!
999, a baseball heaven would be great. But one thing I'd want it to include: all the baseball brothers who were supposedly better than the superstars.
That is, almost every time you read a bio of some great star, somebody remarks that, 'Ol' Such-and-Such was the REAL ballplayer in the family!'
To date, I've found that said about:
—Tom and Mike DiMaggio, the two brothers who stayed on the fishing boat.
—Yogi's older brother, whose name I forget.
—Roger Maris' older brother, whose own father said that about him.
I'm sure there are more I'm blanking on right now. The team could be augmented by the likes of Jim Thorpe's twin brother (died at the age of 9), and Ozzie Canseco on whatever Jose was taking.
Should be fun to watch!
About trading for Aaron Nola, man, would this gutless wonder be the perfect pitcher for our rotation. Nola lacks mental toughness.
If you guys are watching the WS, in game 1, he started terribly, as Verasshole was mowing down Philly hitters. Then, when Verlasshole started getting hit like a pinata, Nola all of a sudden wakes up and starts pitching great.
In game 4 last night, right after the Houston pitcher had a sparkling inning and the Philly hitters looked terrible, Nola comes out and loads the bases on singles. After the bad inning by the Philly hitters, I said to myself that Nola was going to suck that inning, and I was right.
When his hitters hit, Nola pitches very well. When his hitters look terrible, Nola immediately falls apart. This guy would be the perfect pickup by Cashman. Cole and Nola, 1 and 2. Both guys who badly need good sports psychiatrists. And we've got a mental coach who shows video of the great Yankee collapse of 2004. What a combination that would be!
Hammer, I'm sure he'll be the one guy we sign—IF we sign anyone.
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