Six major league teams will besmirch their uniforms with advertisements this year. (It sounds a little more heinous if you pronounce that ad-VER-tiss-ments.) I would say that at this point in history, we can legitimately hate the Sox, the Astros, and--for 2001 and the playing of "New York, New York"--the Diamondbacks. And sure enough, all three of them are among the Satanic Six.
The Sox hooked up with Mass Mutual. Remarkably bland, and a name obviously geared to the Catholic audience in Boston.
The Astros are all in with climate destroyer and profiteering fossil fuel purveyor Occidental Petroleum. Known as OXY, which is no doubt a nod to the drug of choice for Astros fans. Couldn't they find a sponsor whose nickname is METH?
The Dbacks will sport Avnet logos. Electronic components. Because the team is so electrifying, I guess. (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
The Padres have blown so much money on their lineup, they're either to be despised for making it seem like they need the extra ad dough or they really do need the extra ad dough. Either way, kind of despicable. (Say it like Daffy Duck, it's all they deserve.) And the Motorola logo clashes with the uniform.
The Reds at least went with Kroger, which seems fitting for their minimum wage-type roster (minus Joey Votto and Mike Moustakas, who obviously broke the Bank of Cincinnati). It's hard to hate a team that's projected to spend $82 million on their entire payroll--a little over half of which goes to their two "big signings." Sad.
Of course, we know Hal doesn't need the money, so the Yankees will not look like NASCAR this year. But then, we also know that Hal is a greedy, silver spoon fuckhead who doesn't care about baseball or winning championships, so ya gotta figure there's a big Tide Pods logo coming for every Yankees' ass sooner or later.
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17 comments:
The Yankees should advertise some "Lube" brand, because God knows the fans have been taking in the ass dry for years now.
JM
Good post. I particularly liked the reasoning behind the choices.
The Yankees with probably go with a mortgage company because their fans need to take out a second mortgage so they can afford to see a game.
One minor note: the Angels do not, I repeat, DO NOT play in Los Angeles. They reside in Anaheim, just down the street from Mickey Mouse. And you could not find a more bland, unpleasant, pre-fab, nothing of a "town."
Just the facts, man.
As for the Yankees, they need to exhume Phil Rizzuto to shill for The Money Store.
Sad to see. This really is the beginning of the end. Or maybe the beginning was the Manfred Man, and this is just another station along the road to sports imploding much like everything else in American culture today.
2023 marks the 200th anniversary of the first "known" baseball game being advertised in New York. They played baseball before then, and everybody claims to have invented the game.
But think of it. At least 200 years since baseball was first being played—and 154 years since the Cincinnati Red Stockings officially went pro—and somehow, all this time, nobody needed to stick advertising on uniforms.
Until now.
Yeah, Dick, I know they're really in Anaheim. But their official name is the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
So we're both right. They're reaching for the glamour but always get a handful of Anaheim, instead. Or building products.
Hoss, greed and commercialism have accelerated at a fever pace since the 80s. Where it stops, nobody knows.
God, JM, I'd chuckle at your post but I'm busy holding my breath ... because you just know the Yanks will sew on their patches next week.
My prediction: "UNTUCKit"
I think that they will be sponsored by Gillette or some other shaving company to ply off their no hair policy.
Maybe Equate Maximum Strength Laxative Tablets can sponsor the Postgame Report from the Manager's Office with a nice
picture of a bottle on Boonie's post-game hat.
How about HIMS for bat's that can't come though in the clutch.
FROM THE SAY IT ISN’T SO DEPT.:
From twitter
Aroldis Chapman slipped and fell at his house on Saturday night, cracked a tooth and split his lip open, requiring stitches. It’s still pretty swollen but he’ll try to play catch today, throw a bullpen tomorrow and get into a game soon. He says he’s feeling OK now. #Royals
@borntorun999: Yes, but how is his garage doing?
Did I just hear on the YESman broadcast that Florial is out of options?
late edit.
NO wonder mystery man #57 came over from the minor league camp.
I vote for hexadecimal number system.
No need for triple digit numbers for a while.
"now batting, left fielder, number 6B, Waiver Wire pickup.)
Yankees announcers waxing on about Tyler Alexander of the Tigers being 31 years old and has never pitched in the bigs, talking about how doggedly determined he is.
Ummmm, wrong Tyler Alexander. THIS Tyler Alexander is 28 and has pitched in the bigs for 4 years.
Midseason form!!
If John Sterling made that mistake, Twitter would have already exploded with calls for him to retire.
@LBJ…still well ventilated I hear
Was flopsweat's "fall" caused by a jealous boyfriend's fist?
Rufus, he tripped over his shotgun.
Bern, you're absolutely correct. Actually, YES coverage would be greatly improved if they fired everyone but Cone, maybe Kay if they let him say what he really thinks.
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