What the hell do we do with ourselves?
I mean, really. This team was already all but impossible to watch even with Judge in the lineup. Save for those of us with serious sleep deprivation problems, what do the next five, Judge-free months hold?
Sure, we can see if Volpe and the Oswaldii (sorry, already patented the name for my next garage band) can become true major leaguers. But to what purpose? So they can play out the prime of their careers fighting for lineup space with the likes of Jackie Donaldson and Aaron Hicks?
I don't think that we will be entertained.
So, I've made up a list of possible other things we can redirect our interests toward at this estimable website. Here are some leading possibilities:
—Two words: Book club! Or is that one? Never mind. I suggest that we start with Anthony Trollope, and work our way through his oeuvre. Trollope wrote 47 novels in all, many of them quite long and wordy. By the time we reach the end, we might—might—be at the end of Brian Cashman's tenure as GM. If not, well, Trollope's mother wrote 40 books, and then there's his brother, Thomas Adolphus Trollope, who wrote 60 more, and his sister-in-law, Frances Eleanor Trollope, who wrote another 13, the slacker.
Barsetshire Chronicles, here we come!
Other possible authors for outlasting Cashman: Joyce Carol Oates, Stephen King, Charles Dickens, Honoré de Balzac (185 books).
—"Foaming." This is from what Amtrak employees derisively call train enthusiasts: "Foamers." We could while away the hours recounting sightings of vintage cabooses and exchanging photos of the Rock Island Line and the 20th Century Limited.
Hey, it will be more exciting than the average Gleyber Torres at-bat.
—Stamp collecting. Is your 1918 Jenny upside down, or are you just happy to see me?
—Jets! New York's perennial after-thought is primed to make another run at the Super Bowl after a mere 54 years, thanks to the recent acquisition of a quarterback who is even older than any Yankees starter. Surely Aaron Rodgers will follow in the footsteps of such previous Jets QB saviors as Zach Wilson, Sam Darnold, Mark Sanchez, and, um, Brett Favre.
Added bonus: our theme song will of course be "Jet" by Paul McCartney and the Wings, and we can spend our free time puzzling over its mysterious lyrics ("And Jet/ I thought the major/ Was a little lady/ Suffragette!/ Jet!").
Hey, it will be more exciting than the average IKF at-bat.
—Pickleball. Because we've all died and gone to hell.
—Drinking. I think we got this one.
—Tiddlywinks. Looking forward to using your squidger to squop a wink or give it a good scrunge?
Hey, it will be more exciting than listening to the mumblebums in the YES booth talk about exit velocity and bad metrics to the left.
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17 comments:
You know, what is it with the rise of new pickle-based words? First it was the pickleback, which is still a drinking novelty I can't wrap my head around. And now, there's this pickleball crap. Hey, anyone ever think of using a softer ball that doesn't drive neighbors crazy for a 20-block radius?
If anyone out there is an illustrator, I have a great idea for a kids' book. It's a takeoff on "Taxi Driver," and the main character is a sourpussed guy named Travis Pickle. Who is, of course, a cartoon pickle. The other characters from the movie will be cartoon versions of sweets and slaw and deli favorites, and in the end Travis learns to be happy because of how highly all the other foods think of him. Instead of shooting up the pimp's HQ, he ends up paired with sandwiches and knishes at the local kosher deli restaurant and there's a food orgy or sorts.
It could work.
I think Judge will be okay. One thing I like about the now-Captain Judge is that he seems to have a little bit of an edge. The Hicks thing and then after the crappy slide, he said he was just pissed off that he got gunned down, and that's why he had to go into the clubhouse. A touch of peevishness over the reaction in that response, maybe.
Hicks has gotta go, obviously, and maybe management is just hanging him out to dry so they can get rid of him without being criticized. And Jackie is gone after this year, right? So there's two big problems solved.
If only we could acquire some uninjured pitching.
Oh, and King is our obvious closer. Have to say it again.
of sorts, not or sorts.
I could upload to youtube me singing a selection of old Scottish bothy ballads accompaning myself on the spoons?
Or we could just watch the Yankees games and have a competition to see who can last the longest without gouging their eyeballs out
There are two things you can rely upon every December: Christmas and the Jets crashing and burning.
Trollope Club and bothy ballads are more exciting than the Yankees have been in years. Count me in!
Oooh, Train People are weird. They usually have other weird hobbies as well. It’s like have Syphllis… if ya got it you probably have herpes too.
I got two words for Jets fan and they ain’t Merry Christmas. They’re Brett Favre. They think Rodgers will deliver a SB. He will not.
Re Donaldson, while his base contract is up this year, it will cost us a 6M buyout to get rid of him, that’ll count against next year’s cap. Believe or not, Hicks has a buyout after his contract expires at the end of 2025, just 1M, counting against the ‘26.
Gotta get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on ol’Cashman…like about 11am.
Too bad that HC66 continues to shadow-box with caricatures and cliches about analytics that he gleans from blog commenters rather than actually reading a book on the subject. He might start empirically by pondering the consistent excellence of the low-payroll Rays, one of the most rigorously analytics-guided teams--unlike the Yankees, who ghettoize analytics in a separate department and who retain a manager and GM who rule mostly by panic, recency bias, and stupid long-term contracts for older players, all of which contravene the basic precepts of analytics.
We could watch the NY Rangers win games...hold on...wait...bad idea...
Some of your prayers have been answered. Bauers has been recalled from AAA. No corresponding release, demotion, or IL move announced yet.
Update, Bauers on the taxi squad only right now, apparently as a hedge against an IL trip for Judge.
1LeMahieu3B
2Rizzo1B
3Torres2B
4Calhoun, WDH
5Peraza, O SS
6Cabrera, LF
7CorderoRF
8Hicks, ACF
9Higashioka C
Willie Calhoun batting cleanup . No Judge, no Volpe (apparently sluggish from too much Birthday Cake)
One-Adam 12, One-Adam 12, Possible no-hitter in progress at Globe Life Field…
"Steroids, particularly at higher doses for long periods of time, can sometimes lead to damage to bones, called aseptic necrosis (also known as osteonecrosis or avascular necrosis). This can happen in a number of joints, but the hip is the most common."
Are they playing Hicks now because they know they can't play him at home because he will be booed like there's no tomorrow and this is only way to get their "money's worth"?
Yep. AKA, "The Eddie Whitson Rules", Doug.
I do believe they will try to limit his appearances at home.
Great piece, Hoss! That was entertaining, unlike the 2023 Yankees! I do like the book club idea. Hell, the bloggers here would be the best read on the planet! Imagine discussing Moby Dick, War and Peace, Crime and Punishment, Frankenstein, Robinson Crusoe, The Count of Monte Cristo, Catch 22, The Old Man and the Sea. No, I don't like the idea: I love it!
Re. The Jets, remember also Boomer Esiason, Vinny Testaverde? Seems like another desperation move after another half dozen high draft pick quarterback disasters. Is there any NFL team worse than the Jets at selecting the right pick and developing players? The Jets might actually be worse at those things than the Yankees. Brian Cashman probably breathes easy, knowing that he's not the absolute worst at it.
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