Clown Team.

Unless you actually observe the 2026 New York Yankees throughout a game, it's impossible to comprehend just what a weird, lackadaisical, and downright foolish non-effort they put into so many outings. Just be sure to take your blood pressure medication first—and don't expect any actual laughs.

A few observations on last night's two hours-and-thirty-two minutes of torture:

—First, the good news. With any luck, The $22-Million Man, Trent Grisham, has played his last inning as a New York Yankee. This guy should never have been anything but a back-up—certainly not a starting centerfielder and lead-off man on the same ground (all right, it was across the street, but still!) that Mickey Mantle and Joe DiMaggio once trod. 

Sorry, Duque, but I don't care how limited Spencer Jones may be as a CF. He cannot possibly be worse than this.

—At least Grisham had the sense to take himself out of the game with a hamstring injury. One wonders, though, just when this hammy occurred.

Was it feeling tight before the game? Did he tell Aaron Boone about it? Did Boone play him anyway? Did he pull it while ineffectually chasing a routine pop fly. just when it looked as though Max Fried had brilliantly worked his way out of a jam? 

It sure didn't seem like Grishman endured some sudden injury. It looked as though "Mr. Cool" played CF as he always does, positioning himself way too far back, getting a bad read on the ball, and making only the most desultory, unenthusiastic trot possible after a pop up that should never have been a hit. 

Bring up Kelenic, bring up The Martian. They could not possibly play worse than this.

—Unsurprisingly, the Yankees turned in another awful effort at the plate, this one against Walker Buehler, a starter who entered the game with a 4.66 ERA and who has not pitched consistently well since 2021.

The Yanks managed only a Ben Rice home run off him, and just 4 total hits in the first 9 innings. 

—The Yankees struck out a total of 15 times last night, giving them 1,303 for the 2026 season, with 21 games remaining. 

That is an average of a little over 8 a game for the year, which means they probably won't break the all-time team record of 1,482, set in 2021, or top the 1,463 strikeouts they ran up in 2025, or the 1,437 whiffs they managed in 2019. 

But you never know. All they have to do is up their average to 8.5 Ks a game, and they could set a new, negative record.

—Breaking it down, Cody Bellinger struck out three times, while Jones, Luis Garcia, Jr., George Lombard, Jr. (now at just .244), Heliot Ramos, and Austin Wells, each fanned twice.

—Unable to hit the ball, you would think that the Yankees might—might—at times have resorted to a bunt or two, in order to move runners along in a very close, low-scoring game.

—You would be wrong. The Yankees DO NOT BUNT. Period. No matter what. The Padres' pitchers could have ordered their infielders to sit on the ground, as Satchel Paige sometimes did during exhibition games, and the Yankees would still have swung for the fences.

—Instead of bunting, the Yanks tried to advance by stealing. They did this against a catcher, Luis Campusano, who throws out 32.5 percent of baserunners trying to swipe that extra base—well above the league average of 23.5

But remember: STATISTICS ONLY COUNT WHEN THEY SUPPORT WHAT THE YANKEES ALREADY WANT TO DO.

—When Spencer Jones plated the go-ahead run in the 10th with a single off Mason Miller, the best reliever in baseball, then hustled to second on the throw home, the Yankees were up, 2-1, with no one out and another runner on second.

Rather than try bunting him over, though, Manager Boone insisted on having Spencer try to steal third. Even though Grisham (despite that mysterious hammy) and Jazz had previously been gunned down at second by Campusano.

—Jones was thrown out at third, of course, while Heliot Ramos K'ed for a classic, strike 'em out, throw 'em out DP.  Ramos is hitting .134 as a Yankee, with 23 K's in 80 plate appearances. But whatever you do, DON'T BUNT.  

Jazz Chisholm, who was going to do...what, exactly? Hit a sac fly? He has all of 18 in his major-league career...then took a called third strike.

—None of this fully conveys, however, just how weirdly unengaged and sloppy the Yankees looked.

Jazz, of course, played the whole game in someone else's pants, and managed to lose his hat fielding a routine groundball to second. Is he now trying to imitate Willie Mays in hopes of getting that big contract?

—Cody Bellinger continues to be one of the most baffling disappointments on the season. Besides his three strikeouts, he seemed to actually crumple at the plate while checking his swing. 

The Man of Glass almost lost the game a little later when he turned the wrong way on a routine flyball to left, just managing to right himself and turn it into a circus catch. 

—Austin Wells, still at just .188 with another 0-3 day, nearly managed to lose the game in the bottom of the 9th, when he dropped a pitch and looked the wrong way for it, allowing a runner to advance to third. Was the whole team dropping acid?

—David Bednar managed to pitch out of that jam, but that only set up that staple of every Yankees fiasco: the Bad Aaron Boone Pitching Decision.

—When Fried was pulled after 5 2/3, Boone brought in Will Warren, four days after Warren's dominant, seven-inning win over the Red Sox. After walking the first batter, Warren got the last out of the inning then cruised through the next two frames, retiring seven hitters in a row and throwing just 28 pitches.

—This is just how the Yanks talk about using their extra starters in the pen during the postseason, so why not leave Warren in for another inning, in a 1-1 game?

No could do. Instead, he lifted him for Bednar, who gave us his usual, gutty inning...and then the overworked Blackburn, who gave up the game. 

This is not to get on Blackburn, who has pitched very well for us, but on the Yankees' pitching philosophy which is, as always, "Throw 'em til they break."  

Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown...