Matsuzaka looks crisp again
Scutaro is tough
Gonzo is as good as Pujols
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
A-Rod stiffed by hoity-toity sexytime girlie thingy store
Uncle Arod and Aunt Fabulous Moolah take his 20-year-old niece shopping in NYC. The kid goes Kardashian. Pow. Slam. Ka-ching. He flashes his super-Trump platinum card. They haul home $17,000 in designer bangware. The mom sees it and turns “Grapes of Wrath.” She says, “You’re corrupting my baby!” They take it back. The trendy store says: All sales final. Uncle Arod disputes the charge. But it’s not Toronto, where all you have to do is yell “Ha!” and they drop the pop-up. They tell him to take a hike.
Ryan Braun would end up owning the store.
Yank's Blew It With Jesus
Hello Yankee fans,
Most of you know me already. I am a close, personal friend of the executive ( who shall remain unnamed ) who makes most of your trades.
Recently, Alphonso visited me at Rikers and, after promising me a night of manhattans (as soon as all this ugliness is cleared up), we discussed Yankee baseball.
You might say I have special insights on the deals the Yankees are making. I have seen a lot in my time as a fan. I have seen the naked truth, so to speak.
A few things upon which Alphonso and I agreed:
1. Jesus should still be a Yankee.
2. Ibanez can't hit any more.
3. Pettitte should be pitching for his Houston church's softball team.
4. Pineda should have had his surgery ( predicted by me and Alph for this summer ) in Seattle, not at The NY Hospital for Special Surgery.
In other words, the unnamed executive blew it....not me.
So why am I the one sitting in Jail?
Three years from now, Bryce Harper should be a Yankee
The top pick in the 2010 MLB draft, now the top prospect in baseball, is a Yankee fan geektoid. And the Steinbrother Collectibles better be collecting nickel deposits for the chance to sign him in 2015. The guy wants to be a Yankee.Bryce Harper riled up some of the Nationals' fan base last fall when he tweeted his support for CC Sabathia and the Yankees. "Yankees, lets go," Harper tweeted, according to The Nats Enquirer blog, "get some runs for ya boy CC!"
Harper deleted the tweets, which were considered offensive to the huge, nationwide Nats fan base. But the guy wears 34 because it represents the two numbers that equal seven, or Mickey Mantle. So let's be serious here: After 2015, at age 24, his five-year deal with Washington will end. By then, if he's any good, they might be dangling him in a trade for a floatilla of players. But if he's got the fever for the Yankees, all we need to do is shell out the dough, the cabbage, the siiiiiga, the ploooge.
We could have him for the peak of his career.
Confronted about the tweets, Harper told The Washington Post:
"I love my Nationals, but if I'm going to root for a team in the post-season its going to be the Yanks!"
Is this why the Steinboys are cutting payroll by 2014?
Monday, March 19, 2012
Mets to pay two Carl Pavanos and two Kei Igawas to get off the hook for Bernie Madoff
They're settling for $162 millon. That's two Pavanos ($80 million) and two Igawas ($92 million), minus a year of Igawa at Scranton.
A lot of people lost their life savings to Bernie Madoff.
Fred Wilpon nearly had to sell his precious baseball team.
Yankeetorial: Cheapskate Yankees spent crapola last year on international talent
According to River Ave, via Baseball America, we spent a measily $2.9 million last year on south-of-the-border 16-year-olds. That ranks us 11th in the Majors. Figuring that we also always draft low, that leaves us facing a potential dearth of talent in about four years. OK, these financial slapshots can be a shadowy presentation of reality. It's possible that small market teams inflate their expenditures, trying to boost fan confidence, while big ones seek to look frugal. But if these numbers are truth, at a time when we face serious future payroll limits, we are being outspent on the international front by the Rangers, Blue Jays, Royals, Indians, Mariners, Tigers and - yes, the Redsocks. And the Rangers are spending four times what we are shelling out.
Of course, we could scotch these concerns if we sign Jorge Soler, the young Cuban outfielder still on the market. Supposedly, his price is going to run $20 million, and supposedly, we're not in the bidding.
Well, supposedly, the Yankees are different from other teams. Supposedly, we pay the most, demand the most and win the most - because we have a legacy unlike any other American professional sports team. As a result, we are loved and we are hated. We are never underdogs, and - barring tragedy on the human scale - nobody ever feels sorry for us. It is pointless to try and blend in with other organizations, because they will never do business with the Yankees, period. In trades, they will always demand an Alphonso Soriano and Nick Johnson from us, and then trade Curt Schilling to Boston for a plate of refried beans. We cannot get a fair break from the rest of baseball, and so be it. We are not like any other team, supposedly, anyway. We are the Yankees. At least, we were.
From this vantage point - and it may just be mirrors reflecting mirrors - it appears as though the Steinbrothers think they can just hold back spending - just take all that inherited money and buy new horses or houses - run with the pack and have the Yankees be a regular competitive team... like the Dodgers. Remember when the Dodgers always ruled the National League? Will we become the Dodgers of the AL?
God help us. Do we need to start calling for the boys to sell the team? Without a bombastic, ego-driven owner... can the Yankees still be the Yankees?
More on this throughout the season. But make no mistake: This is the fundamental question of our time on this Yankee planet.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
For A Moment, I Thought We Had A Shot
This was the first year I went to Tampa and nothing happened. So, I figure, we have a shot at doing something.
The regulars did their work; a few "prospects' briefly shined; the Banuelos kid looked good as did Phellps ( neither of whom will come north ); Ibanez ( at age 40 ) can't hit any more. Not sure Chavez can either. Should I even suggest how much more valuable Jesus would have been as our DH?
But Derek will be ok; Cano will stay great; Alex may improve from last year, and Tex might bunt once. We have a good outfield plus Andrew Jones ( who can still hit a fastball) and some decent pitchers if they can ;
A. Not fall down the stairs at home
B. Not get hit by come-backers
C. Not get arrested driving to/from a bar in Nebraska.
But now I see the signs of a quick demise:
1. Andy Pettitte's kids have recently graduated college, so ANDY doesn't need to hang with them at their high school games in Houston any more. And what does he decide: to spend all day at church? In court defending Roger Clemens? Gardening? Reading Henry James? Nah.
He'll come back to the Yankees. He's been soft-tossing with his wife for two years and feels re-juvinated and ready for that big payday A dramatic comeback at the ripe age of 40-.
The word that comes first to my mind is ; pathetic.
An established, classy athlete again proves us wrong by refusing to leave the game when the game has left him; embarrassing.
2. I think Dave Winfield should now consider a return as DH. Certainly he can still hit as well as Ibanez. And can Roy White still run?
3. It is now becoming clear that I was right when I told you the trade for Pineda was a disaster. He has ( so far) lost about 4-6 mph on his fastball; still has only two pitches ( ok; he threw 10 change-ups this spring and the two that were within a foot of the plate were hammered); and now the Yankees are talking of exercising his remaining minor league option to " stretch out his arm."
Translation; " we don't know what is wrong with him, but he can't pitch effectively in the major leagues right now."
We are looking at the next Kei Igawa folks ( actually, more likely the next Andrew Brackman, as Pineda does not speak Japanese), but not until after the surgery. Yes he will have arm surgery ( like Brackman ) around mid-season, while playing as a nomad for the Scranton Yanks.
A year or two after that, he will be traded to the Nationals for a 38 year old utility infielder who has a career BA of .213.
Summary; We traded Jesus and a decent Noesi for a turd and some 19 year old we won't hear from again unless he gets maimed in a bar fight.
Note to Cashman; you don't get a young, healthy dominating starter in a trade for an unproven prospect, who has no position, without caveats. That player is made available because the team trading him knows he is flawed or injured, usually both.
4. Tex will not and cannot bunt or hit to the opposite field when the shift is on. That shift is like placing a scotch/rocks on a bar in front of a recently sober alcoholic. He just has to take a slurp.
Similarly, Tex has to take the big cut when the shift is on. Usually, since he is inclined to take strike one, Tex is 0-2 after the big cut ( unless he has already grounded out to medium right field ), and can no longer bunt. So he has a defensible rationale just as does the alchy ( one sip can't hurt ), with the same outcome.
5. So we now have about 10 guys on the roster at or above 40 years old, or with the legs of such. A sure sign of a championship team, yes ?
6. No.
This team is an age-related injury or two ( or more ) away from battling Kansas City and the Mets for nothing.
The Giants won the Superbowl. The Ying and Yang are in play.
Enjoy March madness and then enter a cave until football season.
One Year Ago Today
Tito: Lackey deserves No. 2 start
Gonzo shows off his arm
Boston Herald polls Sox:
STRONGEST: Jason Varitek |
File under
One Year Ago Today,
Red Sox
Pun Control crackdown at River Ave threatens unity of Yankiverse
They're laughing in the Kremlin today. North Korea's Lil Kim has a new favorite Yankee blog: the Bomber Rock of Gibralter known as River Avenue Blues, which yesterday exploded into a de facto governmental crackdown on the Right to Bare Puns. It began when a commenter posted under the name "Women's Lib is Ms. Guided."
Within minutes, the pun police were kicking in the door with their jackbooted heels.
A rip upon Gloria Steinem and the Women's Hall of Fame at Seneca Falls? Hell, no. Look closely: It's a pun - "Women's Lib is Ms. Guided." Har har. This is Mad Magazine stuff. And it was noted in the comments section. Nevertheless, after more comments arguing back and forth, the beleagured Mike Axisa (great blogger, btw) broke down and asked the commenter to change his handle.
The end of puns within the Yankiverse? NEVER! Do they plan to outlaw puns within the domain of Yankeedom? HELL, NO! WE WON'T GO! NO PUNSTICE, NO PEACE! THEY WILL HAVE TO TEAR THE LAST PUN FROM MY COLD, DEAD KEYBOARD. WE WILL NOT STAND FOR PUN-CONTROL! WE WILL NOT ACCEPT THE PUN CRACKDOWN. FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO BARE PUNS!
Soon after, the first victim of the new oppression - the Rosa Parks of Yankiverse puns, formerly known as Women's Lib is Ms. Guided - forced by the River Avenue Putins to change his/her name - wrote:
I’ve changed my user name, but let this be a warning to the rest of you.
First they came for the communists, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the pun users, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a pun user. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.
Later, this came down.
Do not let them take your puns.
THOSE WHO CANNOT REMEMBER THE PAST ARE DOOMED TO RE-PEE IT!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Begorra! With Andy O'Pettitte joinin' the blarney, the Yankees have be foundin' their pot o' gold!
Raise a toast to the Luck o' the Yankees! With Darby O'Jeter, Patty Girardi, and Shamrock Rivera! Hoist your glass, tap another keg, open another case of whiskey, brothers! And sing...
"When Yankee bats are smilin'
"Sure 'tis like the Bronx in spring....
"In the rah-rah-rah-rah rara,
"You can hear the angels sinnnnnnnnnnnng...
"O, when Yankee bats are hittin,'
"Ruh-ruh-rah-ra bright and gay,
"And when Yankee bats are smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-lin'...
"Sure they always swinnnnnnnnnnng away!"
Ten more wins and a ring puts Andy in the Hall
Two winters ago, when Andy Pettitte retired, it hurt. It was like having your wife abruptly announce plans to join a convent, even though the sex was still good. Worse, you knew she would never receive proper recognition for her pole-dancing skill. For Andy Pettitte, it also meant falling one nudge shy of Cooperstown. He would leave with 240 career wins, a lifetime 3.88 ERA and a couple Cy Young near-misses. If he could just pop one more big season, crack the 250 wins mark, pick off a few more runners, (honing his rep as Greatest Ever) - score one more World Series ring, or at least pitch well on that national October stage... Bingo. He might make it. But it wouldn't happen. She was taking down her pole and heading to God.
Well, now, he's got his shot - and on every level, it's a shining example of Yankee legacy. He's pitching for peanuts. He didn't come back with the Houston Astros. He didn't put himself up for auction. Can you imagine what Bobby Valentine's Yankee-obsessed chicken-eaters would have paid to fit him in their clown-nose-red uniforms? But he never gave them the chance.
Today, we have in our Tampa camp a bright and shining symbol of virture - a thread extending back to the great Torre teams - a touchstone for loyalty and an antidote to the recent winter of greed. When Andy Pettitte takes the mound, nobody can say the Yankees are all about money. He is practically pitching for free - for his team, for us - and hopefully, for a plaque in the place where baseball stores its greatest treasures.
Folks, we've just been saved.
Friday, March 16, 2012
One year ago last month... our open letter to Andy Pettitte
It took me 10 years to stop spelling your name with only three t's. You can't imagine how difficult it was. Remember how they strapped Malcolm McDowell into a chair and gave him nausea pills in "A Clockwork Orange?" That's how it was for me. But I persisted and finally started spelling your name correctly. And now you're leaving?No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Andy... can I call you Andy? No? OK... Mr. Pettitte... you may think you'll never have to worry about money, and the truth is, you're better off than 99 percent of the stiffs who'll be cleaning your pool and holding your ankles during situps. But -- and trust me on this -- there will come a time when you wish you had pitched one more year with the New York Yankees.
Did I say one more year? My bad. Three more months: August, September and October. That's all. Twelve weeks. 100 days. Soft-tossing starts in May. A minor league stint in July. (You can stay in Syracuse, while passing through; my family will put you up.) Then hit The Show. And bank $5 million. That's pitching for a pennant. That's pitching in the post-season. That's pitching for Cooperstown (which you can visit whiile passing through Syracuse; I'll buy your admission -- with the understanding that you'll never need to pay it again.)
What do I ask? Simply this...
When you announce your retirement tomorrow, when the sportswriters ask -- as they inevitably will -- "Is this absolute?" Simply say the truth about this world: Nothing is absolute. You never say never. You're retiring -- for now. And maybe around June 1... well... soft-tossing.
They say life affords you no second act. Or maybe it's the third, I'm not sure. You've had two acts as a Yankee. What you haven't had is the finale, the closing number. Last year wasn't it.
One more time, sir. After all, I am spelling your name correctly. No easy feat, when you're strapped into a chair and preparing to watch Bartolo Colon.
Now you know who to blame, El Duque
River Avenue Blues reports:
So it seems that if Pettitte had said yes when they'd asked him, he'd be nearly $10M richer and the Yankees might still have Jesus Montero.In an appearance on YES, Brian Cashman said the team offered Pettitte a substantial contract back in December, around $10-12MM. He decided to work out on his own to see how he felt before accepting, but basically told the team to plan on now [sic] having him. Following the Pineda and Kuroda moves, Cashman told Pettitte to stop working out because they didn’t have room for him. Andy kept going and here we are.
Enough questions about Fab Melo! I'll tell you why he's not playing
It's simple, folks. When you attend Syracuse University, nobody cares how tall you are or how well you can stuff a basketball through a metal ring, you're just like everybody else when you step inside the classroom - The Crucible of Education - where Teacher is always watching, and success is all about hitting the books. You better plan on studying hard, contributing in class, and doing your homework with legible handwriting!, and sports come in a distant second. And if you for one moment think that just because you wear a varsity letter jacket that it means you can phone in your assignment, whether it's about molecular fusion or Jean Paul Sartre -- well, pallyboy, you shoulda gone to Cornell. Apparently, Old Fab thought he didn't have to raise his hand in class or volunteer to color some extra credit posters, and he let his homework slide, thinking that because his team was playing well, Teacher would let him off the hook. Well, he's learned a valuable lesson - the hard way! When you come to Syracuse University, Mister Superstar, you better knuckle down.
Let's just hope that he can pick up the pieces, start over next semester and get himself on track to earn some B's.
Right now, (March 16, 2012 at 6:44 a.m.) the Yankee DH option -- RA-RUW - is putrid
Well, this is what we see from RA-RUW:
RA is 2 for 24 - a torrid .083,
RUW is batting .118 - 2 for 17.
Together: RA-RUW has 5 total bases and one RBI. Yes, one sickly, stinkhole RBI. As Scooby would say, "Ru-roh."
OK. It's March 16, right? I am not stupid. No, I am NOT going to get upset over the trading of Jesus Montero and the indecently inhuman snub of Johnny Damon. No, sir. In fact, I'm not even going to look up Jesus Montero's spring numbers in Seattle because... Who cares? Not me. What difference does it make? It's spring, for God's sake. It's March. It doesn't matter. Damn, though, now that I've mentioned it, it's like waking up in the night and wondering if I have to pee? So I get up and pee. But I won't pee now. Dammit, I won't look it up, and from now on, when I wake up, I won't get out of bed and go pee. I DON'T CARE HOW JESUS IS DOING IN SEATTLE.
He's hitting .333. One homerun and eight RBIs. He's 7 for 21.
Who cares? Besides, it's wrong to compare RA-RUW with Jesus at DH. Because Jesus isn't even Seattle's DH. He's catching.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Well, they wanted Michael Pineda to work on the change-up; they just didn't expect it to become his fastball
Michael Pineda - or "Pinata," as he is being called - barely cracked 90 mph on the god-gun, the universal diving rod for pitchers, regardless of their ERA. Ninety is Colter Bean territory. Ninety is death. Ninety doesn't work with a guy for whom we betrayed Jesus, (a move that historicaly has been known to backfire.)
Already, rumor-mongers are mongering that Pinata will start the 2012 season at Empire State, wherever that is. (It's a state of mind, right? And in his case, it might be a suicidal one.) If so, that leaves us with one option, (after the feathers have hardened on Cashman): Root against Jesus. Yes, pray that Jesus isn't the next Albert Pujols for Seattle. If Michael Pineda cannot crack 95 on the Jesus-gun, I wouldn't want to be Brian Cashman, (even if he is scoring more than anybody on this blog.) Because the Pinata won't be Pineda. It will be the guy who traded for him.
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