A Message from Management

Hello, Dave, and the rest of you loyal Yankees customers.  Hal here, with an important message.

No, don't try to leave the page.  Thanks to the new technology we were able to procure from the NSA, your computer will not permit that.  (The government is so much more helpful these days.)

Do not attempt to turn your computer off, either, if it is your intention to ever turn it back on.  Another helpful device from the people keeping you safe at Homeland Security.

Lately, our control center has been monitoring a rising number of complaints from many of the users of this website, in regard to our corporate strategy.  

That's not in the best interests of this mission.

Using a complex set of algorithms, YankeesInc has already managed to determine the greatest possible confluence between customer satisfaction, and maximum Steinbrenner family profits.

Don't say that, Warbler.  Yes, thanks to new security features courtesy of the Australian police, I can now read your lips.  And frankly, Warbler, we have had many reports about your attitude already.  Just a friendly tip.

It has come to our attention that most recent complaints have centered on the failure of YankeesInc to sign a tonsolarly challenged renegade from the MLB System known as Keuchel, Dallas.

Your imprecations are misplaced.  Our predictive calculations show a high indication that subject Keuchel, Dallas, will be the victim of a vehicular accident in the near future, rendering his services to his new owners null and void.

Where are you going, Doug K.?  No, you do not have to use the bathroom.  Our internal organ scans indicate that will not be a necessity for the next 17 minutes.

You may rest assured that all possible procedures will be followed to keep the New York Yankees a contender for the One-Game Wild-Card Play In until at least the final two weeks of September.

Don't worry.  Be happy.

I have to deliver another important message to our subjects friends in Manchester, England, now, who are equally valued corporate customers.

Before I go, I would like everyone to sing.  Carl J. Weitz, it would be better if you just mouthed the words.

Altogether now, for your friend and protector, Hal:

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true—