Dear Mr. Cashman, You better not wait until Aug. 1 to decimate the Yankee farm system

Dear Mr. Brian,

I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm tired of being a Negative Nelly, a glass-half-empty, self-loathing Yankee fan. From now on, it's N.B.H.: Nothing But Hope! I'm with you, all the way. This team is going places. I smell home field advantage in the Wild Card! Book it, Dano! 

Last night, in the top of the first, you surely beamed with pride when Luke Voit homered to put the Yankees ahead. He's your boy! Your discovery! It showed that your AL East-leading lineup (at least at the time) could kick around that White Sox stud pitcher of the day, Lucas Giolito. Hah. Take that, Chicago.

Well, okay, so that fiery loins jolt of hope lasted about 15 minutes. (But did you know that 15 minutes can save you a lot on car insurance? And drain a team of hope?) It took that long for CC Sabathia to put us in a 4-1 hole, from which they never escaped. 

Our team has now lost 8 of 12 and reclaimed its customary perch: 2nd place in the AL East. I can list three reasons for this: 1) Starting pitching, 2) Starting pitching, 3) Starting pitching. If you study the rotation, as I know you have, so barren is our Quintet of Quacks that, without the benefit of powerful drugs, one must wonder how, back in May, this team looked so good.

But as I noted earlier, I'm not here to whine. No more "Woe is me." No more "Chicken Little." From now on, helpful suggestions, with a gleeful smile.

Here's an idea. Maybe you should phone a few GMs, as a neighborly gesture, to ask about their families. Can you send them a Wolferman's cheesecake gift basket? Or tickets to Hamilton? Could Randy Levine maybe offer them jobs in the Trump administration? Could he maybe get you a job in the Trump administration? If you happen to have compromising photographs - better yet, videos - of any opposing GMs, this would be a great time to remind them of how judgmental the internet can be. 

Not that I'm suggesting anything unethical. It's just that starting pitchers are hard to come by. It's not often that, say, a veteran starter just appears out of nowhere, as a free-agent, who would cost the franchise nothing but money. I mean, that would be incredible! Imagine a proven starter - in his low 30s, not over-the-hill - who would be willing to accept a one-year deal. Boy, that would be sweet! I gotta believe that if an opportunity like that ever came around, the Yankees would jump on it. 

But, well, that just won't happen. Turns out, we will have to trade our best young talent. On that note, I'm delighted to say: I got your back! I say, TO HELL WITH 2021 AND BEYOND. LET'S CLEAR THE DECKS! Estevan Florial? What has he done lately? Clint Frazier, we've got Gardy! Thairo Estrada? Scranton doesn't need another shortstop. GET RID OF THEM. So what if they sit atop our prospect rankings. Just write up a new list. Put Dopey Dildox on it. Nobody will care. There are old guys out there, with salaries waiting to be dumped, and the Yankees need them. Now. 

So, in trying to be positive, I decided to get the ball rolling. I googled "starting pitchers" and "shopping." Holy crap! This is a cornucopia! 

Of course, our first instincts are to buy the book about Oil Can Boyd. Hal Steinbrenner would love it, though let's face it: He'll blanch at the price tag: $24.59. I'd suggest the $7.99 tee-shirt saluting the Redsocks' 2010 rotation. I hope it comes in ladies SMALL, so Hal can fit in it.

Of course, I recognize that money doesn't grow on trees. The Yankees simply cannot afford to spend willy-nilly. We can't buy our way to a Wild Card. I say, TRADE THEM ALL. I'm with you all the way. I can already taste that Wild Card home field advantage. Woo-woo. A silver medal in the AL East. Another great Yankee season!