Friday, July 3, 2020

Virtual Off-Day: Yanks Set to Head North. MLB Meetings Loom.

As the Virtual Yankees prepared to invade Virtual Canada this weekend, looking to close the final gap between themselves and the thoroughly annoying Rays, speculation grew, concerning the upcoming MLB meetings, scheduled for the All-Star break on the week of the 13th.

Thanks to the influence of Giancarlo Stanton, the Yankees transformed "man of knowledge," on Commissioner Rob Manfredmann, fans were looking forward to a true revitalization of the game, featuring lower prices, quicker and more interesting games, and a renewed nurturing of baseball's minor leagues.

All of these expected changes are now in question, though, thanks to the constant, behind-the-scenes lobbying by Yankees GM Brian Cashman.

Cashman, a self-proclaimed genius, has been diligently working the ownership suites in at least two dozen ballparks, trying to make the other satraps of the national game understand just what they would be losing, if they were to give up constant work stoppages, incessant price-gouging, tedious and uneventful games, and treating customers like escaped chain-gang convicts.

"It's a little hard to make out just what he's saying, what with that thing on his head" one owner, who requested anonymity because he did not want people to find out exactly how self-interested a fuck he really is, said—referring to the protective device Cashman wears after an unfortunate, eagle-based, lizard misrecognition accident earlier this season.

"But I gotta say: his message resonates!  'Live like there's no tomorrow, squeeze every last penny, out of 'em, and slam the conquistadors!'  At least that's what I think he said.  That last mighta been, 'Damn the consequences!' I dunno.  But in any case, what's not to like?"

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