Hope Week Hell: How naive were we to think the Yankees would simply stay healthy all year?

We knew this rotten day would come. 

We ignored the omens. Elon Musk. John Sterling, missing games. David Cone's hip. Our inability to finish off Houston, Tampa and Boston. We sluffed them off. How bad can it be, at 14 games up? We expecte speed bumps, and a market correction for our good health and fortune. Nothing lasts forever, (except for Suzyn Waldman... she is immortal.)

We were getting career years, magical seasons, from players whose legacies thus far have been medical bills larger than the state of Delaware. We told ourselves that Aaron Judge just needed a contract incentive, that Luis Severino was a lion, and that, this time, Aaron Hicks was here to stay.

Well, so much for that.

Today, we know what we secretly always did: That the juju gods who ignored us from April to June were simply waiting. They're at our doorstep, and - listen: They are fucking assholes. It's time to take stock of what's to come.

Throughout his career, Josh Donaldson has suffered calf injuries worthy of the C-word: Chronic. He missed 38 games in 2017, only played in 52 the following year. He's had shoulder issues, too. The Twins wrangled a full year out of him in 2021, then happily punted. He's 36. 

Throughout his career, Giancarlo Stanton has been a tweak magnet. The hope that we've swallowed - that he'll stay healthy by playing more outfield - remains untested. Stanton has suffered from quad strains, hamstrings, laterals, gonads, you name it. When he pulls something, it's like a whale losing his fin. Thus far, he's played in 73 of the Yankees' 88 games. He's 32. 

Throughout their careers, Jordan Montgomery and Jameson Tailion have been poster boys for Bernie's health care plan. Both missed vast stretches after surgery. Monty has thrown 96 innings this season, on track to bypass his previous career peak (157 innings) by far. Tailion - currently floundering, (something wrong?) - has thrown 94 innings, headed toward his biggest workload since 2018.

We can sit back and Susan Collins this thing - just nod our heads, drink the Kool-Aid and assume everything will be okay. But spring injuries decimated Toronto, Tampa and Boston. Now, it's our time in the shooting gallery. 

The Yanks claim Hicks' injury is nothing, just a bruise, the x-rays came back negative, and rub a little dirt into it, and he'll be good to go this weekend. (Yeah, and I'm the Easter Bunny.) Anybody who saw him hobble off the field Tuesday night wonders otherwise. If he returns against Boston, this has the trappings of an 0-for-15, 10-runners-left-on-base weekend. It might be wise to rest him through the all star break. Then he can launch another cold-hot-hurt cycle.

Judge has worried us for weeks. In his last 30 games, he's hitting .221. Lately, he's missed time due to "lower body tightness." WTF is that? His legs are shot? I cannot help but wonder if his issues stem from playing CF, from running gap to gap. He also faces the Yin-Yang of contract negotiations, which the Gammonites never let go. We thought it was wonderful: he'd pile up big numbers for his big contract. Now, we're hitting the Upside-Down world of that argument. What if he slumps in the second half... as he did once before?

And Sevy - dear god, Setback Sevy - dunno what to say. He's one of the saddest Yankee stories in this millennium, and then, damn... he was back. He was showing the world perseverance and character. Our hero. Then, last night, ka-boom. 

Listen, this guy just doesn't walk off the mound on a whim. Something is wrong, really wrong. He's thrown 86 innings this year. Over the last three seasons, he had less than 20. 

The juju gods, I'm telling you, they're assholes. And they're out there. DON'T ANSWER THE DOORBELL!